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I'm just now crashing. My husband died March 3,2014 right here in our living room, in a hospital bed. I had been acting like super robot computer woman for the past three years. Now he is dead. It now just hit me. And I'm mostly very, very tired. I would like to stay inside and sleep. Over the summer I fell in love, my heart soared to heights I did not know were possible. This was a boy, my crush from when I was 13 or 14 - it ended so badly. He just started to drift from me, left me guessing. I became totally confused. He does not love me. My heart got broken, again. Now, Christmas is here. I'm excited for 2015, to see the year end. I hate the pain in my heart. I am numb. I feel I am just....existing. life is nothing without a mate.

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Comment by pjmin07456 on December 26, 2014 at 5:13pm
Joyce, thank you. I feel like an alien. Just trying to reboot and work again. I've been going nonstop for years. Much of my identity was wrapped up in my caretaker role. Suddenly i find myself... Unoccupied with struggle. It is completely and overwhelmingly foreign to me.
Comment by Joyce on December 26, 2014 at 8:23am

It's your first holiday season, of course you're going to feel like your crashing.  I felt useless after my husband died, I also had run around like a crazy woman while he was sick trying to do everything.  Then after he passed I woke up and felt useless with nothing to do.  Go easy on yourself, take baby steps, breathe, do something you want to do.  Love yourself, you are worth it.

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