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Every morning I wake up and wish that this was all a dream. That i've been stuck in this nightmare that I cant escape, and I'll wake up and find you next to me. Where you are supposed to be, where you said you would always be.

Everyone says that you will be with me for the rest of my life, in my heart, in my mind, and all around me. While most would take comfort in this thought, it just makes me mad. I miss your voice, the beat of your heart when I would lay my head against your chest. The sweet little names that you would call me when you wanted to see me smile. The effortless way you could make me laugh when I was annoyed at the world. 

Saturdays are "Easy".. you weren't home most of the day, and so I think you are just at work. Monday mornings however.. It is like I was the one who got hit by the car. I wake up, hoping that you are next to me, and you will turn the tv on and watch the news while I get ready to leave for the day. Then it hits again when I get to the front door, and you aren't there to kiss me, tell me you love me, and to put on a brave face for the day. I still need to hear you say that I just need to be positive. 

As the hours pass and it is about time for you to have been waking back up, sending me that first message.. "Good Morning Gorgeous" .. asking how my morning has been, and telling me you love me and miss me. I find myself checking my phone, just in case. 

It is so quiet now.. 

I never had to plan a funeral before.. I never want to again, not after yours. 

I have decided though, when it is my time to go, I want to be cremated and I want some of my ashes left in an urn with you. We were meant to be together and we will be again. 

I love you B. With every part of me. Our time together was not long enough, no where near it. Thank you for everything you gave me, I would not be who I am today without everything you had done for me in our short time. Ill be that girl again, but not any time soon.. Right now, I need to concentrate on our love and how I am to go on in this world without you. 

You made me see the silver lining in things, and now the world is just.. grey. 

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Comment by John's girl 54 on December 22, 2014 at 11:24am
Thank you for saying exactly what I'm thinking... It's the touch I miss, my head on his chest, his arm around me.. His smiles from the couch while I cook dinner.... And those wonderful daily texts telling me he loves me and misses me and can't wait for me to get home to cuddle on the couch. We touched all the time. Held hands while driving or watching tv, kisses and hugs if we were standing anywhere near each other. My adult son that lives with me (us) shed tears and said he would miss "the sickening mushy shit" all the time.
Comment by rodsgurl09 on December 6, 2014 at 6:51am

(((((hugs))))) People who haven't lost the love of their life don't get it. They just don't get it. I really believe they have the best of intentions when they say stupid things like that, they just don't know the awful truth of it all. The color will come back, Tiffany, I promise. Just hang in there. One baby step at a time. 

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