My Dilemma ~ I don’t know if I should go….

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Comment by Sunflower37 on August 8, 2012 at 2:32am

Hi again....well I decided to not go. My sister still came over and we went to dinner instead. It was nice to just hang out.

For now... I want to treasure the memory of "us" because the "us" is gone and I will not go to another concert with my Sweetie again.  Earlier in the day, some of the songs came on and took me back to the time of those concerts and us... it was a happy time.  I decided I do not want to change that... for now.

Thanks again for your responses.

ILM ~WB ~ MLA.

Comment by Suz on August 7, 2012 at 7:16pm

I want to say that "it will feel right when it is time" but I know that is not always true. I had to push myself. For me, it was social events with other couples. We used to do a lot of that. I have been to two and i am at five months. It was hard, the second less so. I acutely felt his absence. We could look across the room and communicate with a "look" and always enjoyed rehashing the night with each other before we went to bed. Now I walk into the door to nothingness. Still, I know that these people are an important part of my life and I don't want to lose their friendships so I am going to continue to push myself.

There is no one right way. This indeed is the most puzzling personal journey I have ever been on.

I wish you well, Sunflower, and hope you find a decision that feels right to you.

Hugs,

Suz

Comment by Sunflower37 on August 7, 2012 at 2:16pm

Thank you to each of you for your response...always nice to get another perspective.

Comment by lovie on August 7, 2012 at 9:16am

I revisited our favorite places starting 3 months after my beloved hubby died. For me it was peaceful to be where we both loved and I recalled wonderful memories of our life. I am adding new places now as well and feel his presence there with me as well. But we are all different in our grieving process so I hope you can make the best decision for you. Perhaps warn your sister and let her know how you would want her to react if you have a meltdown.  Do you want her to comfort you physically and verbally or simply be there as a silent partner while you meltdown.  After a meltdown, the relief is sometimes so soothing. Best of luck to whatever you decide. Whatever you decide, each time you repeat past events you shared together, the easier they will become. It could be a step forward for you, but only you can decide that.

Comment by kimkirt (KK) on August 7, 2012 at 8:17am

I wish we lived closer so I could go with you. The last concert my husband and I went to together was ZZTop. We, like you and your sweetie, saw so many concerts together. It was our thing. He put up with my Kid Rock obsession and took me to see him 3 times. We took our son to see KISS as his first concert. It was the only concert he got to go to with his dad, now his dad is gone. I couldn't bring myself to take my son to the Motley Crue/KISS tour. Maybe next time. I have been to a concert since my husband passed away, I went with a widower from here and it was wonderful to go. I had a fabulous time. It was at a venue I've never been to so that helped tremendously. I would just be honest with your sister and tell her it would be emotional for her and you need her support and would like to do this. But I agree with Becky, you do what feels right for you. Hugs!

Comment by topwag (Becky) on August 7, 2012 at 8:05am

Everyone is different but for me I have had to avoid things and places we did together. It is just too difficult and too emotional for me and it is never as good as it was with my hubby. I just try to spread my wings and try new things and places and keep the old places as "ours only". You do what feels right for you. Peace and Blessings.

Comment by honeys(puddin) on August 7, 2012 at 7:33am

I think if you're even thinking of going then you should go.  The more you do things the easier they become, not sure if that makes sense.  My Honey and I used to "Flea Market" all the time.  At first I thought that was out of my life but then I made myself go w/ my Sister.  While it was nowhere near the same at all, I was glad I was able to get through it and now I want to go back but probably by myself.  If you want to go then go with the option to leave if it becomes too difficult.  I went somewhere early in the grief with a friend and her husband in their vehicle and I became anxious but couldn't leave so that made it worse.  Never again, I always go in my vehicle so I have an escape route.  Good luck!:)