You died in May of 2012.
So impossible to understand the finality of death until it happens. Five years is a long time. Long. I don't like this feeling of missing you so much. I can't imagine five more years feeling so ... adrift ...
My 85 year old mother fell and broke her hip 2 weeks ago. That makes it even harder to get into the "Christmas spirit." I have a feeling she'll be able to rehab this hip but I have this scary feeling about her future.
What is the Christmas spirit? I feel like I'm doing it all wrong. I never was one for over the top shopping, decorating.... all of that just seemed superficial and it didn't really excite me all that much, even before you died. Don't get me wrong, I loved visiting with family and friends ... it was just that all the preparations overwhelmed me...even then!
But now, I don't think I'm even going to write Christmas cards. Just not in the mood. I actually was more apt to do holiday things last year or the year before.. this year it's just ...enertia...
I want you to know I'm grateful for the 34 years we had together, so grateful for everything ..
Just missing you so very much and wishing you were here...
I'm wondering if it would be any easier to live if there were no holidays.
I love you so much,