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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Tomorrow will be 3 months from Mike's accident some days it feels so long ago and others it is like yesterday.  I have stopped looking out the window waiting for him to get home.  I have cooked 3 meals in 3 months it is just myself and our 18 year old who is in and out of the house she is fine with take out or a bowl of cereal.  I just do not have the will to cook or even eat, I have lost 20 pounds. I am size 12 so a few pounds off of me is not going to hurt. I try to keep busy with yard work, I have gone up to our camper twice, this was one thing that Mike and I enjoyed but it is not the same without him. This past weekend I had my friends 4 year old with me she is such a great joy to have around but even spending time with her could not stop me from my morning cry on Sunday luckily she was still sleeping when it happened.  Sunday was Fathers Day and Mike's 49th birthday our 18yr old took me out to dinner.  The other 2 worked all day. I feel so lonely and miss him so much. 

"Friends" have stopped coming over, most people have finally gotten the message that they can not help themselves to whatever they want but some still try to tell me what I should do and how I should do things. Thank god I no longer get the you poor thing look.  I still have a few real friends that I can count on anytime of the day and night and they check on often and I am fine with that. I have been doing a lot around the house that Mike never got to, but I have a lot more to do.

I cry when I notice that I am enjoying something, I cry when I lay in bed and Mike is not next to me.  I see couples in stores and think about us.  I keep reminding myself that one day we will be together again and until then if our places were reversed what would I want him to be doing at 3 months, I know that I would be telling him stop crying and get on with life and I will see you again.

I wear my wedding rings and I have his ring on my right middle finger and the mothers ring that the girls got me last year for Christmas with it, I actually had a stranger hit on me the other day it made me sick to my stomach. This guy did not know me or what I had been through so I didn't tell him off like I really wanted to I just ignored him until I could walk away but really how could he have not seen my rings what a jerk. When I told one of my "friends" about it she said "you should of been flattered that some stranger hit on you."  then she asked if he was good looking? I said I didn't look at him I was too busy trying to keep my lunch down.

thank you for listening  

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Comment by lizbeth4 on June 24, 2016 at 10:38am

Lee, I am so sorry for your loss.   It has been 3 years and 3 months since the death of my Husband.   Your grief is so new and raw.   The first 2 years for me were very emotional and tiring.   First-take care of yourself!  Both physically and mentally.   Make sure you eat something everyday and that you are getting enough sleep.   My Doctor prescribed a light sleeping pill which I took for awhile.   When you have the energy you may consider grief counseling.  The hospice provided meetings and I went for about 6 months.   If you can, try to get outside everyday.   Just feeling the sun on you, whether you sit on your patio or go for a walk does help your energy level.   I know this is a hard journey.   Hugs!

Comment by Callie2 on June 23, 2016 at 5:54pm
Lee, I'm so very sorry for your loss of your husband. It's so recent, crying seems to be a normal reaction at this point in time. It's best to let it out, just let the tears flow. There will come a day when you will realize "Oh, i haven't cried these past few days" then other times, tears will come when you least expect it. It's all part of grieving. It's not linear either so you can probably also expect ups and downs. You're going to be OK though, you will get through this like so many of us here are doing or have experienced.

Seeing other couples is hard at first--I think many of us have felt this too. I guess when I was married, I noticed people who were alone--after losing my husband it seemed everyone was paired up! We really notice that but in time, we focus less on it when we're out.

Everything takes time so try to be patient. I hope you continue to find things that bring you joy. My youngest granddaughter was born the year my husband passed--there's something about the company of a child that can take us away from the grief temporarily. You wil find your peace.
Comment by laurajay on June 23, 2016 at 5:12pm

lee- Your grief is so new and very raw.  Everyone here remembers when their grief was new. I went back to read you earlier posts  and as someone 4 yr out  just want to offer my two cents but please believe I hate preaching too so if it sounds bossy and know it all it's because I went through this all 4 yrs  take I lightly!  First and foremost- you MUST be your own best friend now because you no longer have your husband.  You mention you do sleep and that's very important as we rebuild cells as we sleep  but you need to have a little talk with yourself about nutrition.  This is no time to diet or ignore taking in  needed food.  Grief is exhausting for a long time.  Energy just to get through each day is about all that most of us can manage.  But you only hurt yourself if you do not eat enough good food to gain the energy back and help your body repair from the ravages that grieving can bring.  If you do not want to cook  at least do carry out from a non fast food place  or check out the healthier choices in frozen foods .  You can buy  already washed and cut salad ready to eat.  And roasted chicken or deli section foods are available with minimum effort. A roast with veggies can just go in a pot in the oven or slow cooker with little effort and give you  several meals for you and your daughter. Same with chicken.  It's ok if you don't feel like cooking.  But eat well anyway.  You hate feeling lousy as we all do so do those things that will make you feel less lousy.  There is no cure nor fast way to get better.  Grief is persistent  and draining and we don't get to skip through it...we have to WALK through every painful step.  Well rested and well fed can help a lot as you move forward.   I will comment further another time.  Be strong and love yourself matter...this will change for you with time.    hugs   lj

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