Tomorrow will be 3 months from Mike's accident some days it feels so long ago and others it is like yesterday. I have stopped looking out the window waiting for him to get home. I have cooked 3 meals in 3 months it is just myself and our 18 year old who is in and out of the house she is fine with take out or a bowl of cereal. I just do not have the will to cook or even eat, I have lost 20 pounds. I am size 12 so a few pounds off of me is not going to hurt. I try to keep busy with yard work, I have gone up to our camper twice, this was one thing that Mike and I enjoyed but it is not the same without him. This past weekend I had my friends 4 year old with me she is such a great joy to have around but even spending time with her could not stop me from my morning cry on Sunday luckily she was still sleeping when it happened. Sunday was Fathers Day and Mike's 49th birthday our 18yr old took me out to dinner. The other 2 worked all day. I feel so lonely and miss him so much.
"Friends" have stopped coming over, most people have finally gotten the message that they can not help themselves to whatever they want but some still try to tell me what I should do and how I should do things. Thank god I no longer get the you poor thing look. I still have a few real friends that I can count on anytime of the day and night and they check on often and I am fine with that. I have been doing a lot around the house that Mike never got to, but I have a lot more to do.
I cry when I notice that I am enjoying something, I cry when I lay in bed and Mike is not next to me. I see couples in stores and think about us. I keep reminding myself that one day we will be together again and until then if our places were reversed what would I want him to be doing at 3 months, I know that I would be telling him stop crying and get on with life and I will see you again.
I wear my wedding rings and I have his ring on my right middle finger and the mothers ring that the girls got me last year for Christmas with it, I actually had a stranger hit on me the other day it made me sick to my stomach. This guy did not know me or what I had been through so I didn't tell him off like I really wanted to I just ignored him until I could walk away but really how could he have not seen my rings what a jerk. When I told one of my "friends" about it she said "you should of been flattered that some stranger hit on you." then she asked if he was good looking? I said I didn't look at him I was too busy trying to keep my lunch down.
thank you for listening