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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Exactly 3 months ago today my world was shattered and I lost my only true love and my soulmate. People keep telling me the heartache I feel will become more and more bearable. Right now I don't see how that will ever be possible. Even after 50 years together (over 47 married) we were looking forward to the future. We still had so many plans and dreams. Despite his illness (he was on dialysis) we had learned to navigate around his treatments and we still managed to travel and do the things we loved to do. We truly enjoyed being with one another and I miss that so much! I am a true introvert so he was usually enough for me. Even when I would venture out with friends he was always sitting up waiting for my return. LOL...my friends would always lovingly comment about this ritual of his....as I'd walk to the door there he would be with outstretched arms and a smile. So many precious memories. One of the members cited the song, 'Jealous of the Angels"....that song beautifully summarizes my feelings. My friends and family have been great.....but nothing will ever take away the emptiness I feel. I realize that void will only be filled when we are together once again. Until then I will cherish the love we had and the precious times we had together.

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Comment by LadyG on August 5, 2018 at 12:55pm

I love that picture of the two of you.   

This quote became one of my favorites when I found it in the first year after Jim's passing.

"And ever has it been that love knows not it's own depth until the hour of its separation."

https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/khalil_gibran_136981

So true, so true.  And how many before us in history have had to learn this on our own.  Like having to reinvent the wheel anew every time.

Comment by riet on August 5, 2018 at 11:27am

On this  Sunday, the day after our wedding anniversary, I realized  how much I am still in love with my husband.  I only want to hug him endlessly now.  

It is only 3,5 months since he died, but I miss him more as I could ever have imagined. I would like to comfort him again, as he would comfort me, struggling with this terrible brain cancer.

We should not have been separated. We were part of each other. 

Thanks for being able to tell this here.  Hugs to all of you

Comment by DIVA70 on July 30, 2018 at 2:52pm

The main reason I sought out this site was to see if there were others out there like me who were struggling with their loss. I see that I am not alone and that in itself is helping me chart this tedious grief journey. Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I am blessed to have a good support system but I realize their focus is on the living right now. Before April 29th I was one of them so I understand. But unfortunately my focus is still on the one I lost. You guys understand. We were one. We were happy. I have been a part of a couple for so long and I loved it. I will keep coming back to this site because I have found a community which shares my grief and understands the pain and anguish I am feeling. God bless you all!

Comment by riet on July 30, 2018 at 10:29am

I am truly sorry for your loss.  Your story could be mine, including the dates: 50 years together, 47 years of marriage.  Looking forward  for the future and getting old together.  Having our little chats about everyone and everything.  Making each others' life worth living.

And now, since the 20th of last April, he has gone. The cancer has won.  And what now?  I also have  help from kids and grandchildren, even lots of it. I have lovely neigbors and friends.  I appreciate them all so much. I often wonder where I deserved their attention and love.  But I am not complete anymore. My husband  and me were one .  And  now it's  "just me" . As if the colour has gone. He made me see everything in a better perspective.  We talked so much, we shared so much interesting things. This has now ended.  And I really don't see how to live a good life without him.

Comment by LadyG on July 29, 2018 at 11:36pm

I am SO sorry for your loss !  As LauraJay said below,  in the early days wether you are now it is raw. Your grief will have things in common with many of us. When you think you are the only person having certain feelings come here and see that your grieving process is normal, whatever it is. Its going to change over time. For some people that means getting better, for some of us it just means different. Not gone, not really better, just different. I wish you peace in the times of darkness. The community is here for you. 

Comment by laurajay on July 29, 2018 at 8:58pm

DIVA70   Three  months is no time at all...your grief is raw  and fresh  at feels at times  like  the pain will never end or get  better.  We were married  44yrs+  and after 6 yrs  the pain of the loss  has not lessened  but it has  changed.  Part of the challenge  of grief  after  a long  marriage  like ours  were is that aging  intensifies  eventually  and the losses of old age get  compounded  with those of widowhood in general.  I was  widowed  suddenly and never  expected  the aspects  of growing old  alone  when you are already  older  could  be  so difficult!   You plan  on aging  together  to help  one  another  as in the younger years  but  suddenly---that  plan is gone.  You will feel pain but you will find  a way  with time  to move  forward.  A way  you cannot see or imagine  right now.  Have  faith in yourself  and take things  slowly  always  reflecting on the love  you shared so many years  with your  beloved.  TIME  lots  of time so grief  can  have  it's  say  and  it's  way in your healing.  So sorry for  your loss...here  you will  find  those  who will  listen and understand what you share.  Judgement free.     Give  yourself  a hug  and remember  though  he hugged others YOU  were  the love  of his life.  That will remain  a sweet memory  for you to recall forever.                                lj

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