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So, a site I write for had a prompt "I am lonely."  I wrote about the loneliness I felt when my husband died and which I still feel sometimes. It's on Woman's Day here:  My Husband was My Best Friend

This was the hardest thing for me to put out there in public. I do wish we were talking more about loneliness. It's sort of the theme of the book I'm writing, but I definitely feel exposed.

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Comment by Dadof4inSF on July 8, 2016 at 12:10pm

I lost my wife two and a half years ago.  We were married for 21 years and together for 24.  The way I initially dealt with loneliness was to keep busy with work.  I also joined local hiking meetup groups to learn how to socialize.  I also did not do much socializing while I was married.  I remember the first hiking meetup I went to where there were 4 other men talking about their recent divorces.  When it was my turn to share about my loss, there was an uncomfortable silence with condolences.  I discovered that I was not very good at nor interested in small talk.  I needed new friends that I could talk to about my grief and be understood.  I attended Camp Widow when I was 4 months out.  I met a lot of people who understood and I joined a closed Facebook group of widowers from that camp.  For the past year, I took over and now lead a meetup group for widows and widowers in the Bay Area.  Now, I have widowed friends that we share a meal together 1-2 times a month and talk about our feelings and our grief journey.  Not feeling so alone helps me not to feel so lonely for my wife.

Comment by The Hungover Widow on June 24, 2016 at 12:42pm
Lizbeth, thank you for your comments. We have similarities since my husband died in April 2013 and we were together for 32 years. I have made some new friends too. And I have a boyfriend but it is not a replacement, jut a different far less serious sort of thing. Thank you for letting me know you related to my article and I admire your positive attitude! I'm trying to work on that.
Comment by lizbeth4 on June 24, 2016 at 10:46am

Thank you for your article.   I lost my Husband 3 years and 3 months ago.   He was my soul mate.   We had 31 wonderful years together.   We did everything together so I didn't have a lot of friends.   I was so lonely the first 2 years without him.   I decided to do something about it so I have reconnected with old friends and I have made a few new friends at age 58.  I have divorced friends and friends who are couples but no friends that are widows.  They try to relate but can't/   Even though I live a busy life, I still have lonely moments and will probably always have them.   My best friend is no longer here.   My one consolation is that I have loving family and friends.  I count my blessings.

Comment by iunderthefarmhouse on June 23, 2016 at 4:16am

Hungover Widow, thanks for your searing honesty, that was a very courageous and beautiful article. I lost my husband 4.5 months ago, and he was my best friend and soul mate. We just fit each other perfectly.  I was also his caregiver for the last 2 years of his life due to his back problems after multiple surgeries. That left no time for any friendships. I recently got a full time job, that begins next week, but during our orientation this past Monday I felt like an alien life form, going through the motions of being social. I really liked your suggestion about having social groups and drop-in centers for those of us who are lonely. What a great idea!  My read is that this society is so based on couples and family units that those of us who are alone don't really fit. That's just my perception, but so far it appears to be true. 

I'm hoping to connect with some of the women in my new job. We'll see. I don't often tell new folks that I'm recently widowed, because death is one of those topics that appears to scare a lot of people off. I totally get that inner core of loneliness that you describe so beautifully. I carry it with me wherever I go. God bless you for your honesty, you are a braver woman than I am! And you are not alone.  

Comment by The Hungover Widow on June 22, 2016 at 9:06pm

To Jacks' girl. I sent you a friend request on this site.  I don't think I have much courage.  I just did stuff like go to yoga classes and talk to people. But I'm happy to talk more with you.  My blog is www.thehungoverwidow.com.  I'm Debbie Weiss and I'm on Facebook. And I  think I know how you feel. (Love).

Comment by Jack's girl on June 22, 2016 at 5:20pm

Thank you for your article!!  It really resonated with me. It will be 6 months in a week and Jack and I were each other's best friends. I didn't cultivate outside relationships enough either and I feel like I'm treading water to stay afloat.  I feel like I don't even know how to make friends anymore. It really is all about missing your person, and I know I can't replace that with activities, or other people I meet.  But It would really help to feel connected to another human being in that way that we were.  I don't know if that's possible.  How did you find the strength to push forward and seek out others?  I find i'm so alone that I withdraw into myself and it's hard to even make conversation. I wish I had your courage!

Comment by The Hungover Widow on June 21, 2016 at 5:19pm

Thank you for commenting Angelina. My missing my husband comes in waves. Sometimes I feel lucky and busy and other times I just miss him so much it's physical. I know what you mea about telling him one more time that you love him.  I feel that way too.

Comment by Angelina on June 21, 2016 at 4:20pm
I agree. I just miss my husband so much and it's seemingly worse now. You're right in that just 'being with people's doesn't make you less lonely for that special person that's no longer in your life, other than the memories. I wish I could just tell him one more time how good he was to me and that I still love him. I've never taken off my wedding rings. Going out right now is the last thing on my mind.
Comment by The Hungover Widow on June 21, 2016 at 9:37am

Thank you! And your comments are a tribute to your husband.  George and I spent very little time apart as well.  We had dinner together almost every evening.  I wish I'd appreciated it more at the time. And I think I know what yu mean.  I'm often lonely fro George.  And our life together. 

Comment by Callie2 on June 20, 2016 at 5:07pm
Good article! I can relate, as I always felt my husband was my best friend also. Only twice during our marriage were we apart--once when he traveled to see a NASCAR race and one week that he spent in the hospital. This may sound contrary, but when asked if I'm ever lonely, I have to say no. I am lonely for him. A roomful of people would not change this feeling. I miss him. Now, being alone, living alone, although I have challenges as most widows do--I'm actually OK with that. It has gotten easier but there are still times when something can evoke a memory--even time of year. We began dating in June. We sat and watched many a sunset just talking and getting to know each other's deepest feelings. Less than two months later, we were engaged.

My friends are married. I have no real desire to date so I go out alone. Life isn't so bad, though I know it could be better with him next to me.

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