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Hello I am new to this site as well as being a recent single parent to our 3 girls ages 18, 20, and 23.  my husband of 24 years Mike  passed away on March 24 2016. It was very sudden, He left the house at 6:30 I didn't say have a good day or kiss him goodbye all he did was grunt we had a argument the night before over something stupid and he was mad at me. I got a call from a friend at 7:20 am and asked me if I was home, I had just pulled in the driveway, Right then I knew.  I had drove over the railroad tracks at 7 on my way to bring our youngest daughter to school and seen the state troopers and fire department their, I can not believe that I did not know it was him. I drove over their, it is only 1/2 mile from my house. They told me he passed on impact.

The first thing that came to my mind was to get my daughter and tell her before anyone else at school did.  The school had already told her. I was not their for her when she found out. A friend drove me to my oldest daughters house.  My family, his family  and our friends have been great.  Now a few weeks later we are all back to work and the girls are finishing school all 3 are graduation this year 2 from college and the youngest from high school, he is missing all of this. We should be growing old together, we had plans for the summer.

He decided that this year we are going to  start enjoying our weekends we had bought a camper last fall in a RV park it was going to be weekends of hanging out just the 2 of us because "the kids do not need their mommy 24/7 anymore and we can spent all the weekend together" he would say. And I was hoping we could go back to the time when we were young before the kids. We had the kids young  I was 20 when we had our oldest daughter we thought when the kids didn't need us anymore we would still be young enough to have fun and enjoy life. Instead I am back to work after 2 weeks I had just started this job a week before the accident, they have been great to me. Before I worked with him and I put my friends son on the school bus before work. Now I make myself get up every morning I still put the little boy on the bus.  

Some one asked why am I back to work so soon?  I can't sit home and cry anymore, I have to be doing something. I feel so lonely at night not hearing him snore and in the morning not hearing him rant and rave about having to get up and cant find what he needs just hurts.  I can not cry anymore I guess knowing he passed quickly and with no pain helps me to accept that he is gone. I know I will see him again when my time comes. Everyone asks how am I doing OK I tell them I stay busy and that is true,  but all I want to do is lay in our bed and sleep.  I love Mike but did not tell him often, I feel guilty because I could of stopped the accident by keeping him home for just a minute or 2 I know their is nothing I can do or say that can bring him back Everyone says it will get easier with time but all that I can think of how much I miss him. thanks for listening


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Comment by AEDforever (Ali) on April 24, 2016 at 3:40pm

lee, I am so sorry you are hurting so bad. We do understand how devastating this is. It is a very, very, difficult thing to deal with the loss of a spouse. I can't really say anything to take away your hurt, but do know that yes, in time it will lessen. Please continue to share your feelings, and join us in chat when you are ready.  I am very sorry for your loss.

(Hugs) Ali

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