What is my path? What is my purpose? I want to know. Is it best to wait for God or the Universe to tell me? For years, my purpose was helping Wayne. And that purpose became increasingly important as Wayne was failing... Almost like a free fall into the abyss of whatever his true purpose was. And I think through Wayne's illness, he and I both learned to be patient and pro-active at the same time. And to do our best at helping those who needed our help.
And prayer. Wayne and I discovered an amazing Rosary Prayer Group, through which we witnessed miracles.. and heartache, but oh what a wild ride. A few weeks before Wayne died he told me he wanted me to live my life to the fullest. He actually told me he wanted me to "find someone else..." I was very surprised. Very. I told him I envisioned myself devoted to prayer and the Rosary. That was as far as I could imagine.
OK, Wayne, I'll think about finding someone else? And how does one even go about doing this? I'd rather they find me. Problem solved.
So back to my path. See, I'm avoiding it. I know I have to figure this out. Or do I? Back and forth. Confusion, inertia, happiness, sadness, questions.
Purpose? It sounds so trivial to say I enjoy helping people. Like every job applicant. Trite. Could I have another purpose? Maybe? I've already found that some really important life purposes can be quiet distressing. Do I avoid finding out my true purpose so as to avoid unpleasantness?
An Interlude. Maybe God has granted me a stay. A little breathing space before my next great mission is handed to me. Ah, that makes sense. So, I'll just enjoy this respite. A sabbatical from life's purpose. Recharge the batteries. Maybe every so often try to figure things out.
Possibilities, prayer, happiness, questions... Peace.