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This is getting harder day by day. My youngest son told me today he didn't understand how sick Rick was when we brought them to the hospital to explain his cancer and prognosis. I remember having to tell him he wasn't coming home anytime soon because of the cancer. I tried to explain it without scaring him but I guess he couldn't accept it. Now he's angry and in pain. Tonight was a milestone, he's transitioning to middle school so the school had a ceremony. He plastered a smile on his face and suffered through it. He was happy to hang with his friends for a bit and then he & his brother played at the park together but soon as we got in the car he broke down crying. I carried him in the house and we sat and cried & talked. It hurts me so bad he didn't understand before he died how sick he was. In his mind he was planning how he was going to spend time over the summer with his Dad. It is so hard to face being a single parent of boys who adored their father and who was central to our family. I guess this is one of those days that you fallback some. I feel everything more than I did initially. In my mind i know we will get through this but in my heart right now I don't see how.

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Comment by breistl on July 16, 2015 at 5:29am
K thank you. Tomorrow is our 3 months and it's has become increasingly difficult to deal. My husband died from AML leukemia, 3 weeks after his diagnosis. It gave us a little time but you can't truly prepare for this kind of loss. We often cry together when they are up for talking. My 12 year old refused counseling, me & my 10 year old goes. It helps you be more aware but unlike some people think, it doesn't fix your emotions or take the pain away.
Comment by bis4betsy on May 22, 2015 at 4:39pm

breistl- so sorry for your loss.  Not only do you grieve for your loss but the loss of the father for your children. That pain is difficult to handle on top of all the other things you must do.  I hope you have people nearby who are able to  support all of you!  

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