This is getting harder day by day. My youngest son told me today he didn't understand how sick Rick was when we brought them to the hospital to explain his cancer and prognosis. I remember having to tell him he wasn't coming home anytime soon because of the cancer. I tried to explain it without scaring him but I guess he couldn't accept it. Now he's angry and in pain. Tonight was a milestone, he's transitioning to middle school so the school had a ceremony. He plastered a smile on his face and suffered through it. He was happy to hang with his friends for a bit and then he & his brother played at the park together but soon as we got in the car he broke down crying. I carried him in the house and we sat and cried & talked. It hurts me so bad he didn't understand before he died how sick he was. In his mind he was planning how he was going to spend time over the summer with his Dad. It is so hard to face being a single parent of boys who adored their father and who was central to our family. I guess this is one of those days that you fallback some. I feel everything more than I did initially. In my mind i know we will get through this but in my heart right now I don't see how.