hello to you all i am glad i found you. I never thought I'd be a widow til i was much older. but here it is, age 58. I think I am doing ok on the outside. (insides another matter). I have to say I felt like writing yesterday - when my sister said she was seeking counselling because SHE's lost 3 close family members (our mother, our brother and her brother in law, ie my Husband).. I felt like, thats wrong, to tell me about your pain I am so not ready to be empathetic. if its a contest, I "win"....after all he was MY husband.... But I waited, and today my neighbor ..well intentioned but deep emotional needs ...well, she's complaining to me, about Me. Well I have sympathy for her - i am a wreck and no fun to be around. She wont go online anymore. But also her phone machine is broken. I would love to lean on her - she is right down the hall - but it always turns out badly, she needs my help and you know, i just dont have any to give at the present time (sorry!) ...So its better if i keep my distance. She's upset - quote ' i give up" - to which I reply quietly "thank god". leave me alone!
I am seeing more and more that ours is a very unique situation - one loses a parent - thats the natural order. A sibling - awful, yes in every way. But a spouse - he is my better half..literally ...I hope to work u p the nerve to attend a camp widow gathering, but now that I found this blog I will be reading and devouring everyone's insights...its no exagerration to say ours is an intense deep loss ..part of you..I never imagined the depth of this. thanks for letting me blab on.