When Debbie died, I had to of coarse take care of all the business that needed to be taken care of. It was really hard to do, all I wanted to do was hide under the blanket. In a way, maybe it helped staying busy, takung care of everything. Part of that was, checking her emails, and letting people know that she was no longer here. Unsubscribing to miscellaneous. Email services and programs. Cleaning out the inboxes and saved emails. It took quite a while to do. At first, I would check it every day or two. Then, every couple of weeks or so. Then monthly. Now about a year and a half later, I realized the other day that I haven't checked it in a long while. So, I logged in. There were only 2 new emails from somewhere that I couldn't figure out how to unsubscribe. No email!!! It hit me hard. I know it makes no sense feeling like this, thats what I was trying to do. It just hit me, one more thing telling me she is really no longer here, and shes not coming back! I feel like I'm beginning to come out of my denial, and I don't like it. Can't I just live the rest of my life in denial? With some hope that everything will be alright someday. I suppose the answer is no. So now when I long on, all I see is all the Emails that I've sent her since she died. At least I quit sending her emails mostly, since she's not responding. Now just one on special occasions, that's not nutty right? I dont text her anymore either. Thats really good because I shut her phone off. So, whoever has her number, would probably be a little weirded out, lol. I wonder if I will ever delete her email account? Probably not. It feels like one more way I can always communicate with her, even if she doesn't reply. This being widowed makes you crazy I think!