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Not My Grief - The New Road Starts Again


My heart is breaking right now.  This time it is not about My Grief – but on my dearest and beloved friend who is about to start on this long hard journey.  Her husband is in Hospice as I am writing this.  Her husband was one who basically had nine lives – came really close to death and he came back fighting.  But, then they said he would not get any better.  And the family had to decide should we prolong his life or stop dialysis and start with Hospice.  Lots of paper work and as we all know the feelings of what goes in.

My heart is hurting so much – my friend is in NJ where I used to live and I can’t afford to take a flight to be with her.  But I will be with her every step of the way – when the phone calls start stopping and people start saying all those cruel remarks that hurt us deep to the core.

Please pray for my friend as she stands by her beloved and is there when he breathes his last breath.  Her son and daughter and granddaughter I’m sure are also by his bed side.  She is the most unselfish, loving person on this universe that I am proud to call my friend.  She was always there for me and like myself she couldn’t be there physically for me.  Justin was lucky enough to meet her, get to know her and when we were planning our wedding I couldn’t spend as much time because was doing so much with planning our wedding.  We always spent hours every day talking on the phone -  Justin called her and explained how much I mean to her.   All was well and good and they were at our engagement party.

She was so happy that I finally found the one to share my lifetime partner with – and was there when all my pieces fell apart. 

I ask that you light a candle for her soul mate to be with no more pain and suffering and that she has an easy journey through the club we never want to be a member of.  Hopefully I will leave her to Widowed Village – where my life was saved and am grateful to too many people to name who I will love forever.

Thank you again.

In Hope and Love.

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Comment by my roses on July 2, 2014 at 10:44pm

My roses

Dear Judy  -  I am still struggling after 16 mths  would love to go to Camp Widow but as I am in

Australia the journey  is a very long one.  I have been to the States before but I travelled with my beloved. I  don't feel  I could do it on my own.  All the stress at airports etc.  I was reading a book yesterday  and when you are in grief/stress you have a  "decreased tolerance" to almost everything (except love).

Al  - yes I was surprised that the body could mourn too.  I feel the pain in my heart and now in the

solar plexus (upper stomach level).  In the past when I had losses I only felt it in the solar plexus. With Wes I ONLY FELT IT IN THE HEART...  until a couple of days ago!!!  Now  I have both.  Gone through all the can't eat and  loss of weight. Looked so gaunt - but I really think the worst is the look in the eyes of grieving people.  (It is a look of shock - like a startled rabbit caught in headlights of a car)  - this is probably what makes the "dont' get it group" run away.  I pray for W V  people as a group  nearly every day.  We are so amazing  and need so much support.  

Comment by judy on July 2, 2014 at 5:00am

Thank you My Roses - my friend says she is not ready to go to WV.  When she is ready - she is meeting soon for the first time Hospice One on One.  She will call me crying on the phone and I'm there to listen, tell her that I understand and share what I've gone through - hoping in some way I am helping her.  When she is ready even if it is one or even 2 years down the road - I hope she comes to a wonderful group of friends and "family" here that I call "LOVE".

Comment by my roses on July 1, 2014 at 3:30am

My roses

Dear Judy  Have prayed for you both today and hope that WV will be her saving grace along with any

other friends and family.  This nightmare journey is just too much.  The amazing Love that is on this website - so many people with a Great Loss but who have given their all for a Great Love and would do it again and again, if necessary  - so deep is the feeling for our partners. Bless you both

Comment by Marsha on May 29, 2014 at 3:51am

(((((Judy))))) I don't think we ever get past this. 

Comment by judy on May 28, 2014 at 6:45pm

It really has hit me hard - not sure about my friends husband, my husband or the combination of both of them.

Can't stop crying - all night long.  I thought I was past this.

Comment by Marsha on May 28, 2014 at 6:49am

(((((Judy))))) Praying for you and your friend today. Yes we all know the fog and numbness she is experiencing. She is blessed to have you as a friend. When she is ready WV will welcome her with love and support. 

Comment by Hornet (Cindy) on May 28, 2014 at 6:30am

Judy, count me on the list of those praying for your friend...AND you. We all know, don't we? We know what your poor friend is going through. Maybe, in a little while, she will find comfort here as well. Peace, peace, peace.

Comment by judy on May 28, 2014 at 4:53am

Well today is the day my friend has the "funeral".  My heart is out to her - my last text this morning saying "I feel so numb".  We all have felt that way - and I'm worried about her - being remembering exactly how I felt that day when it was Justin's Memorial service.  Going back to that time is so hard and bringing back so many memories - but I want to be there for her when so many of my friends were NOT THERE for me.

Comment by judy on May 25, 2014 at 7:22pm

My friends husband is now no longer suffering or in pain - but it is so hard on my friend.  When she feels ready I will bring her here.  Didn't realize how it would affect me and affect my own grief.  Feeling so much sadness lately these past 2 days - and am there for her every step of the way.  But for the first time, realizing the silence in my own home.

Comment by AL on May 25, 2014 at 6:48am
I had know idea that the body could mourn. I have just passed the one year mark . David passed away May14th 2013. I feel so depressed especially at night .
I have lost so much weight and in general look drained . I have to force myself to eat a good meal.
I will be thinking of all of you as another Holiday comes around. I 'm so grateful for this wedsite.

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