My husband passed in August 2012. I was in a grief group, an excellent group, for a couple of years and I was also active on this site for a while. I have not been on it for a couple of years. I’m not so sure that I am making good progress in getting on with my life. I cry every day, not much, not long, but I still cry. I have one son who is 46 who has had a physical and learning disability since he was eight. I am trying to think of good words to say this but I don’t know how much longer I can carry the worry of being his total life. He has friends but they are all married and have kids and can’t get together as much as he would like. I have a small family. Yesterday I went with Doug to Social Security to help him apply for disability. His pain level is such that he cannot really work anymore and with his combination of physical disability and learning disability, he is hard to employ. I worry about his mental state, what he’s going to do with himself all day, his self-esteem, his happiness, and a whole list of other things. When Don was alive, we carried this worry together. i’m not so sure I can continue to do it by myself. I have an active social and volunteer life, but I can’t say that I am personally satisfied. I feel like all the activity is more to fill up my time than to bring me satisfaction. Maybe I am expecting too much. I’m proud of how much I have accomplished since my husband died. I have moved myself four times and I have moved my son twice. I’m not so sure that I’m not running away from reality, but I can’t move anymore. People are beginning to talk. I love my son with all my heart but when I think that there is nobody else on earth who loves him as much as I do, is overwhelming to me. But then I have to realize that nobody loves the dog as much as me since Don died, nobody cares about the car as much as me since Don died, nobody cares about our friends or family as much as I do since Don died. Those are the thoughts that bring home what losing a husband really means. I used to worry that people will think I am crazy if I express these kinds of thoughts, but one thing I learned in grief group is that there is no wrong way to mourn.