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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Craig, my husband would be so very proud of our boy. 

Jack is 2.5 years old and he's the coolest kid.  Craig's been gone for 2.5 years.

Craig, my Chitty, would be so very proud of me.  His Smitty.

I've found love again.  A man who needed me as much as I needed him.  And his girls, who lost their mother found a brother who lost his father.  

AND I am so very proud to announce that we had a baby together on January 15 of this year.  He is 2.5 months old, our little Isaac.

Last night, Nate, my boyfriend, was looking through old pictures of his late wife, and the life that they had before their second daughter was born.  I love that we can share our feelings and emotions with one another, but it really made me quite jealous to see him and his wife with their first child.  Craig and I were so close to have experienced that!  I hate that Craig was robbed of becoming a father, but I am glad that Jack has a dad.

It just became blatantly obvious in that moment that I still have festering emotions, unresolved.

The other day when I was driving, Jack was up front with me.

We were listening to Oasis (my husbands all time favourite band) and I noticed Jack totally grooving.  Songbird came on and I began to wail.  

Craig used to sing and play that song on his guitar to me all of the time.  Jack had the sweetest smile on his face as he bobbed his head along with the music, and I just had to pull over.  Jack looked at me with the most sincere eyes and said "momma, don't fry, pease dont fry"

I love my life now.  

but I will always miss my other life.

I will always remember it, but I just wish I could let go of the wondering...the wondering what it would be like if he never died.

PS Jack is the best big brother 

and I am so blessed to have Nathan and his precious girls in my life.

NOT to mention the cutest, sweetest little baby boy!!!

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Comment by AEDforever (Ali) on April 26, 2014 at 8:27pm

(((Stacey))   wow.  A lot of change for you.  I love, and alwAys have, how honest u are.  What wonderful news on your new baby boy.  I am sure the conflicting emotions will subside.but they can certainly overwhelm at times.  Post us a pic of your new baby and of jack? 

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