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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Sometimes I find myself reliving the past, obsessing over an event or conversation, anything and everything from those last hours in hospice to a vague memory of our very first date and like the lyrics below "I can't get myself to go away".

I'm sorry 'bout the attitude
I need to give when I'm with you
But no one else would take this shit from me
And I'm so
Terrified of no one else but me
I'm here all the time
I won't go away
It's me, yeah I can't get myself to go away
It's me, and I can't get myself to go away
Oh God I shouldn't feel this way

Matchbox 20 – Long Day

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Comment by riet on June 8, 2019 at 8:57am

Yes Thank You so much Laurajay.  I felt depressed  because I thought I was spinning in circles. But as you explain, this is all necessary to finally get a bit further. I keep missing him so much. 

Comment by pricytapestry on June 6, 2019 at 4:52pm

Thank You LauraJay

Comment by laurajay on June 6, 2019 at 4:11pm

Early  on  when  my  husband  died  unexpectedly  I  read.  I  read  and read  and read....for over  a year  I  read  and learned  without  support groups or  doctors or  meds.   I  came here  long after  I learned  and  began  my healing...it was right for me.  One of the more  penetrating  things  I learned  early on  was  that  this  grief  journey  would actually  be comprised  of  memories and telling my story.  If fact,  I read  that grieving  should include  the  remembering  of each  and every  event, conversation, experience  together, every  success and  failure, every  triumph  and every dream shared whether it came true  or faded  away..  That  in  reliving  our  married  life  and cementing  our  memories  was  necessary  to  let go  of constantly thinking  them  and  therefore  not moving  forward.  In  other  words,  we  tell  our story  as often  and as long  as we  need to  until  the need  stops.  Only then can we choose to move on.  You  need not  worry about yourself  and  your  reliving  the past---that's  what  grief  is all about.  Reliving  it all , sharing it all  and eventually  finding  the  intensity and need  lessens.   You  are  on point  with  your  new journey.  Be  patient  because  in  thinking  you  work  the  process  and  nature  and time do the rest.   Be  kind  to  yourself.  It's  going  to  be  alright in time.    lj

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