Working into year 4. I will turn 44 soon.
I have come to a few interesting turning points in learning who the new me is.
The first was the moments after when I realized that I NEVER HAD TO STOP LOVING HIM. He was and is mine for as long as I live. Till death do we part is BS! I stopped trying to push his memories out and embrace and remember them instead. I once told a friend that I cry when I miss him because it is my love for him that baths my cheeks. It has to go somewhere (the love) ...when he was alive I loved him and when he was gone I couldn't love him the same way. I cried it out. I was my love for him seeping out because he wasn't there to receive it anymore.
Dating has been .... oh heck ... a learning experience to say the least. I had a divorced friend tell me that every failed relationship is a stepping stone to the right one. I think she was right. Every relationship that I try....I learn more about me ...that I didn't know. 26 years with someone ..... makes you appreciate how comfortable you really were. Finding that again is my challenge. I have realized that I need to be happy with myself. Ready to be by myself for as long as it takes to find or never find the next "ONE". I am reminded of the painter on TV that used the term "happy mistakes"....
I am anxious to start a new life in a new home. I am ready for the change and look forward to leaving the family home. It will be hard I think...the day I leave. A bit final I think. Memories....
Friends who are widows have been the best. The most understanding. I will meet more I'm sure.