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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Working into year 4. I will turn 44 soon.

I have come to a few interesting turning points in learning who the new me is. 

The first was the moments after when I realized that I NEVER HAD TO STOP LOVING HIM.  He was and is mine for as long as I live. Till death do we part is BS!  I stopped trying to push his memories out and embrace and remember them instead.  I once told a friend that I cry when I miss him because it is my love for him that baths my cheeks.  It has to go somewhere (the love) ...when he was alive I loved him and when he was gone I couldn't love him the same way. I cried it out.  I was my love for him seeping out because he wasn't there to receive it anymore.

Dating has been .... oh heck ... a learning experience to say the least.  I had a divorced friend tell me that every failed relationship is a stepping stone to the right one.  I think she was right.  Every relationship that I try....I learn more about me ...that I didn't know.  26 years with someone ..... makes you appreciate how comfortable you really were.  Finding that again is my challenge.  I have realized that I need to be happy with myself.  Ready to be by myself for as long as it takes to find or never find the next "ONE".   I am reminded of the painter on TV that used the term "happy mistakes"....

I am anxious to start a new life in a new home.  I am ready for the change and look forward to leaving the family home.  It will be hard I think...the day I leave.  A bit final I think.  Memories....

Friends who are widows have been the best. The most understanding.  I will meet more I'm sure.

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Comment by Callie2 on November 16, 2015 at 12:03pm
You are very wise. We shouldn't try to stop loving them as they are apart of who we have become today! There is no way we can ever go back to being the same person we were before we met and married them. When I watched my husband pass, my first feelings were that along with him went the love we had for each other. Once I began to believe that not to be true, I no longer felt so abandoned and alone. That love never disappears. As time heals us, we can look back with a new perspective and remember all the happiness we once shared. It is only right that we try to remember our entire lives together as opposed to that one horrible day. Wishing you the best as you continue to try and move forward with your life. Remember always to be true to yourself!

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