I can’t believe it has been a year since I last saw his face, held him, and hugged him in that way that always made me feel so loved. When I buried my face in his neck, almost every day, I knew that he loved me and I loved him. We had a special relationship, and it is still hard to imagine that it is gone.
I’m still angry that this date – September 16 – still exists on the calendar. It should be wiped off the face of the earth. It reminds me of what I lost. And it seems like everyone on this earth should recognize the loss that this date represents.
It’s the day that my life shattered into millions of pieces.
It’s the day that the earth changed and lost its color and flavor.
It’s the day that a wonderful soul left this world, and left many people with a hole in their hearts.
I’m still trying to put together the shattered pieces of my life. I have to do it in a new way – I can’t make it look and feel like the old version. If I try, it ends up being a distorted picture of what once was. So I have to create a new mosaic out of the pieces. Something that will look different, but that I can still somehow be OK with. And maybe I can create something beautiful out of the pieces of my life. I won’t like it as much as the original, but it can be (I hope) beautiful nonetheless. I am barely beginning this process and I don’t really know what it’s going to look like yet. It will be a work in progress for quite some time.