One Year Reunion

Saturday:

 Went to John funeral at 2:30 at Christ Church Cathedral.  The service ended at 4, lovely speech made by the Pastor. John wanted his theme to be about "Resurrection".  He describe John down to the tee. A lovely, kind, cheerful and full of jokes and laughter. He see things differently then most men. How life dies and resurrect into another being or form. I think that's how the Priest described it.

I couldn't stay for the reception, I hope wasn't being rude to his friend. I told them I was hosting a party and John wanted to come so this party. I am doing this in his honor from me, a little celebration of life. I hope they are fine with it.

I got home at 5 and had a few guest waiting outside already. (I miss calculated the time) they were all very helpful and the party was a success, a large turnout.  Last guest didn't leave until 1:30am. I had to kick one person out because he was being too drunk, but that's my bro TIGER. He'll be okay. He probably didn't know what happened. lol

Sunday:

 Went to the airport and flew to Kelowna. Philip and Richard went to pick me up at the airport and drove me to Vernon to see Michael.

My heart was pounding as I got to the cemetery. I haven't been back for a year now and it felt like I was going to have a heart attack. We did a short service and ate bread and fruit which had been blessed. I didn't realize what a nice view Michael has until today.  Last year was a complete blur to me. I don't even remember what the town Vernon and Kelowna looks like.  I was in shock.  This year I manage to take a good look at it.  After the service I just sat down by his new beautiful Marker with a heart in the center with the letter "z".  My love to him.

I ask the rest to give me a moment  with him, as they left, I just broke down in tears. Ask him so many questions and still waiting for an answer. All I had was the wind blowing (today was the only sunny day out of the week) and 2 birds or crow croaking at each other. Maybe that was a sign from him. I am not sure... What really hurt was I found out an elder couple bought a burial plot next to his so that tore my heart out.  It means I wont be able to be buried right next to him. This tells me, or maybe it's him telling me, "Time to move on" ??? I don't know, this is complicated now. I cried really hard sitting next to his plot. Joe came up to me and comfort me and told me no one had love him within a year then anyone. I told him I just feel lost and not happy anymore without him. Life seem bullshit, all I'm doing is filling my life with schedule to keep me alive. I think this is still true. 

Thank you Philip for telling me we have to leave because I would of stayed all night and just zone out again.

Later in the evening we all went to their friend house and meet some of their friends. Little did I realize they throw me a surprise Birthday and we had a nice Black Forrest Cake among my new Kelowna/Vernon friends.

Monday:

 Return to New Westminster around 1:45pm.  I basically slept through-out the long ride home. I had a busy weekend and I am  about to collapse. I am feeling down and sad again because in 30 mins it'll be my birthday. I don't find it special anymore without Michael. But then ,with this trip to see him, I had hints maybe it's time to move on. I wont be able to be buried next to him but he'll be in my heart forever.