Why do I feel so out of place everywhere I go? I try to fit in but always feel I am a few steps behind everyone. I feel like I do not fit in anywhere.
I use to be the leader, hosting cookouts, events. Always very self confident. I was very cheerful, full of life and ready for good time with friends and family.
Now when I go somewhere I feel very detached. I seem to get left out of conversations. What has happened to me? I want to scream I am alive , I am here, I am still Stephanie!
Maybe I am just having a pity party but sometimes it is very evident I am excluded.
At work, I work with 5 other dispatchers and I feel like I am a pauper. One claims to be a good christian but somehow she is first to judge others. Doesn't help management always puts her ahead of others. We have 2 men dispatchers, I cut up some with one but sometimes feel I am the brunt of his jokes. Like I am beneath them. Very troublesome but I try not to let it show. The other knows more than anyone about everything. The other girl is the only one that doesn't really make me feel too bad. I never get included in conversations. I went to work hoping to make a few friends. The women look at things online chatting back and forth. They are all football and sports fans so i try to get the scores and game highlights so i can join in but that doesn't work either.
Met 2 "friends" in town yesterday. They came out of store as I was going in. It was like, Oh hi, How are you as if I had a disease. So good to see you. Well we have to run grab some lunch. Why couldn't they have said, Would you like to join us. We use to be inseparable.
Well, maybe getting some of this of my chest will help. Just want life back. Thanks for listening.