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Why do I feel so out of place everywhere I go? I try to fit in but always feel I am a few steps behind everyone. I feel like I do not fit in anywhere.

I use to be the leader, hosting cookouts, events. Always very self confident. I was very cheerful, full of life and ready for good time with friends and family.

Now when I go somewhere I feel very detached. I seem to get left out of conversations. What has happened to me? I want to scream I am alive , I am here, I am still Stephanie!

Maybe I am just having a pity party but sometimes it is very evident I am excluded.

At work, I work with 5 other dispatchers and I feel like I am a pauper. One claims to be a good christian but somehow she is first to judge others. Doesn't help management always puts her ahead of others. We have 2 men dispatchers, I cut up some with one but sometimes feel I am the brunt of his jokes. Like I am beneath them. Very troublesome but I try not to let it show.  The other knows more than anyone about everything. The other girl is the only one that doesn't really make me feel too bad. I never get included in conversations. I went to work hoping to make a few friends. The women look at things online chatting back and forth. They are all football and sports fans so i try to get the scores and game highlights so i can join in but that doesn't work either.

Met 2 "friends" in town yesterday. They came out of store as I was going in. It was like, Oh hi, How are you as if I had a disease. So good to see you. Well we have to run grab some lunch. Why couldn't they have said, Would you like to join us. We use to be inseparable.

Well, maybe getting some of this of my chest will help. Just want life back. Thanks for listening.

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Comment by rodsgurl09 on September 28, 2014 at 5:54pm

I still feel that way too, especially around our married friends. And I feel like his family is still including us out of a sense of obligation rather than a place of love. I feel like even surrounded by people, I am alone. I don't know if it's them giving off that vibe or if it's just me and how I've changed. (((Steph))) I feel you. Hope things get better at work for you. Love you. 

Comment by Cath on September 24, 2014 at 7:30am
Awww Steph I feel the same way a lot of the time....getting used to pretending everything is fine time but crap is it exhausting xo hugs
Comment by only1sue on September 21, 2014 at 8:11pm

I was like that for the first year, simply out of step, my emotions too raw and too obvious and my deep sadness kept people away. In year two I did start to reconnect. It has been slow as I assess each encounter to see where my friends have withdrawn, are still a little tenuous or greet me as an old friend, it is the last ones you need to concentrate your endeavours on, let the others go.

You can't beat being a good listener so when someone speaks to you turn your face to them and look them in the eye, stand as still as you can and let your eyes do the talking.  People love you if you are guenuinely interested in them.  After about ten minutes or so move on if you need to. If you see friends or former friends and they are going for coffee do ask if you can join them as an indication that you are ready to interact now.  Good luck with your new endeavours to get back to some kind of new normal.

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