A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Out of Sorts
So, as I've posted before, I have been widowed for a loooong time. Oct. 16 will be 11 years. I like to think a few years back I finally got my head wrapped around what the loss of Bradley specifically and loss ingeneral mean to me. I definitely came out of my grief with a different perspective on love and loss. But this week I learned that the man I was involved with for a few years during 2006-2009 died.
I had not spoken to him since Jan. of '09 and our relationship ended in a spectacular failure. Short version--I was breaking up with him and he had an almost fatal overdose. It was ugly and I broke it off as cleanly as I could at the time.
I mean I never wanted to get back together with him, but somehow knowing that the last person I was in love with (had sex with for that matter) is dead.
I'm also a little surprised an a little pissed off that hearing of his death has triggered my grief of losing Bradley. I'm pissed because I honestly thought I was past all that. I know better, but nonetheless.
So, I just feel like that wound is open again. It's not gaping but it's sore. It won't take long to heal, but for now it sucks. Balls.
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Comment
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Comment by celestia (Suzanne) on August 5, 2012 at 12:16am -
Thanks my friend. Big hugs to you too! ((((Tanya)))
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Comment by Rebirth.Tanya (Tanya) on August 4, 2012 at 10:05pm -
Hi Suzanne-
I'm so sorry for this loss, along with this new wave of old grief- totally sucks balls- waaaah!
I'm glad you had a better day yesterday and am sending you a big hug and so many prayers for strength and comfort... <3
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Comment by celestia (Suzanne) on August 3, 2012 at 6:14pm
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<3 Thanks ya'll. I feel much better today.
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Comment by Cristina on August 3, 2012 at 11:31am -
Suzanne, Until I lost my mother and then my beloved Billie, with all the previous deaths, it felt like I was finally able to mourn the previous death when a new one would hit. Like, I'd be numb until the next death came along, then I'd be numb about that one and able to go back, not even able, it just would happen...to the previous one, and it would finally really hit. I know this is different, but it's somehow a similar link...certainly, it is so understandable and so sad too, how this new death should bring up the loss of your husband. Sorry to hear you are hurting again.
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Comment by bj628(Bonnie) on August 3, 2012 at 11:24am -
((((((((((Hugs))))))))))) Suzanne. Losing another person that has ben our lives, can really bring up past losses.
Memories, feelings.. Sending warm thoughts to you xxxxxxxx
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Comment by chez2all on August 3, 2012 at 10:10am -
Hi Suzanne...When my 2nd husband died I found a similar thing...dealing with the resurfacing feelings about my 1st husband's death 11 years previously. It also triggered the same issues for the kids and we all had a tough time for a while. Things are looking better now nearly 5 months down the track....but I know some of what you are going through...take care, Chez
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Comment by honeys(puddin) on August 3, 2012 at 8:30am
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The brain is connected to the heart. Memories jumpstart the heart in either direction both good and bad unfortunately. I hope you start to feel some peace soon:(
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