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Pursuit of happiness during the holidays
Today a good friend was envious of parents who had nicer cameras to take pictures of their kids with santa. She herself has an EOS...an expensive camera. She talked about one of her friends that is on her third or fourth one and how that's so not her life. It's not; she's a stay-at-home mom who'd rather go without to be at home. They are wise with their money. She frequently talks about others having money.
And now it's Christmas when all the parents are talking about getting their kids flat-screens and x-box and snowboards and.... (which is fine; I just don't want the competition).
I read an article the other day about a Ugandan who grew up in a hut just like you'd imagine in a war-torn country. He was lucky to have been recruited by a US college to run. On a trip home, he came across 11 orphans living under a bus. Their parents were killed in the fighting. He took them to his dad and agreed to pay for their food - $1200 of his $5000 salary. He had already been living on a cot in the basement of his training facility because he couldn't afford rent. To this day, he lives on very little still sending a good portion home to his family, the orphans, and is generating money to build a clinic and hoping for a school.
I'm so sick of watching our society try to find happiness in things- this relentless, consuming pursuit. It's heartbreaking to look outside our nation and see that it takes so little to help others...help with medical care and clothing, housing and education.
I am trying so hard this holiday season to make it a happy one- for me and for my kids. To enjoy and make new happy memories. Yet there is still so much sadness alongside it. The flood of memories that comes out with the decorations. Remembering that I had been looking for a fourth stocking holder because our second child was due just after Christmas. And three is still all that is needed. Dad's stocking is hung on our tree by our 3 yr old who doesn't realize.
I'm trying so hard not to have a pity-party. I miss my husband being apart of all this. I miss his help. I miss making plans together - for life and for our days. He loved his wife and kids so much. I am so unbelievably lucky - I have two beautiful children, a wonderful family and friends.
How I wish we could all just be content and generous and happy to have this day with those we love. I wish others felt this with me. And I know you're acutely aware of this so I share these thoughts with you...
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Comment
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VOLUNTEER Comment by Supa Dupa Fresh on December 31, 2011 at 8:41am -
Such important and nourishing ideas... And yet another reason we often feel like we're on a different planet than those around us. I'm glad you shared this!
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Comment by perdi177 on December 29, 2011 at 5:49pm -
I loved all of your comments! It comes down to make sure you recognize what's important and when you've lost someone close to you, allow yourself to be where you're at and when you're ready start making new memories...whatever makes you happy! =)
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Comment by NMWidower on December 14, 2011 at 11:37pm -
Perdi, Thanks for sharing. Its amazing how loss I know has made me rethink life and look at the world completely differently than before. Thanks for this great reminder.
((HUGS)) to you as this is a difficult season. I had a lot of memories putting up our tree and had a similar experience with our stockings this year too. :-( I pray that you continue to have strength every day and that you have the grace you need to make it through every day of this holiday and that you really have some blessed memories with your kids this year. I can relate to so much of what you said with my spouse. I miss her a lot too in the things she would do. Life is not really the same doing the same things by myself. Its awesome that in spite of the challenges you still decorated! I think that is really great that you did...
Thanks again for sharing. Pat-NMWidower
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Comment by Jackie (lvgma) on December 11, 2011 at 2:58pm -
Ugg was posting and lost my post, To start again. As I look around my home, I see all wishes and dreams that my Danny full filled. Things things things, and only one wish or dream that he cant do now is come back home. the grandkids and my children put the tree, villages and all the other stuff out. We are ready for Santa. I know he has been here several times and looked at the tree, and with a smile. You see this tree hasn't been up in 6 years do to our son being murdered in 2005- then I was ready to put it up in 2010 but Danny died. When I said I know he has been here, I have smelt his cologne many times, Old spice, and its it the bathroom closed up. So Danny enjoy the tree and for all of our love ones and my WV friends, Happy holidays1
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Comment by Dianne in Nevada on December 11, 2011 at 10:32am -
Thank you, Perdi. I, too, have been thinking about the ridiculous amounts of money being spent on 'things' ... things that people think they must have, or their kids must have. The pushing, the shoving, even the pepper spraying (!) to get what they want. It's really quite sad.
I've wanted to do some things for others - some random acts of kindness - and your post reminds me I need to get busy with those plans. I read a news story of a woman who went to a local KMart and anonymously paid off the layaways for several people. To give to others without expecting anything in return is a wonderful thing. I've done it before and it brings such joy. And I'll bet the recipients 'pay it forward', too.
We who have lost our loved ones know that material things don't really matter so much. We know that we won't be taking them with us when we leave this earth. We've learned what is most important ... we've lost what we can't live without ... and it's certainly not the latest camera or toy for the kids. Oh what I would give to have just one more day with my husband ... now that is a gift I'd stand in line for.
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Comment by DonnaReid on December 10, 2011 at 9:55pm -
You took the words right out of my brain and put them together perfectly. I'm sitting here in tears reading this. I haven't put up the tree or decorations yet and hadn't thought about the stockings...thinking what am I going to do? Our first holiday season without him and I'm a hot mess. Thanks for such a thoughtful post!
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Comment by Joyce on December 10, 2011 at 9:34pm -
Thanks so much fo sharing. You are so right, our definition of happiness has definitely changed.
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