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I decided to take a break after a breakdown taking down my son's crib, aversion of setting up a printer and reorganizing this house in the 24 hours that my mom has given to me. Thoughts are roaring through my head.
I continued to brew on my blog The Pursuit of Happiness During the Holidays... it dawned on me, and perhaps you saw it before me, but that I don't like that others are consumed with normal life activities because my life came to a standstill. I'm jealous and superior at the same time - this silent fight with unknowing people. Maybe I'd recognize these emotions if I would read any one of those dozen books given to me on grieving.
I want to get back to that normal life. I don't want any of these interrupting emotions during the holidays, or any other holidays or times of change. What a freaking journey this is! I in no way want to be bitter, this is just where I'm at, recognizing and owning the emotions in order to get beyond them.
The most proactive thing to do is start making plans, or maybe following through on ones we had together. Taking down my son's crib to create a big boy room with the toys that entered the house this Christmas, certainly isn't easy. But post breakdown and sharing, I'm actually excited for this new stage we're entering. It's going to be okay at the least, and hopefully great. But I think we play a big part in how it plays out....
Hope you find this entertaining or enlightening,or maybe just something that past your time.... =)