It seems obvious that we are all alone here. We have lost half of who we were, and sometimes it feels like even more. The pain at the beginning of this journey is unreal. The mental, emotional, and even physical pain. With time some of the pain goes away. Sometimes it comes back, it comes in waves. It has been 9 months for me, and I of course have felt alone during that time. Alone every night when I go to bed. Alone trying to raise 2 daughters. Alone with all of the decisions in life. But, at certain times it really hits me hard. I AM ALONE!!! I could always count on Deb whenever I needed her, for whatever. I use my car for my job, and today I broke down. Before, I could call her and she would come rescue me. Today when I broke down, I got a ride home and got my backup car. About 2 hours later, it was leaking power steering fluid as fast as I could put it in. At this moment, I realized how alone I am. I have me to depend on, that's it. There is no Deb here to save me when I need it. No Deb to make my shitty day better at the end of the day. Even on my bad days, she would always make me feel better. It may sound a little silly, but there is a lot of small stuff that I depended on her for. I will make it through the bad days, it just sucks going through them alone. This sounds really dumb, I know, but after she first died I thought "How am I going to get splinters out of my hands?" She always dug them out for me, now what? I have had a few since, luckily on my left hand. Maybe I should wear gloves. I miss all of her, but it is really all of the small everyday stuff that I miss the most.