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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

It seems obvious that we are all alone here. We have lost half of who we were, and sometimes it feels like even more. The pain at the beginning of this journey is unreal. The mental, emotional, and even physical pain. With time some of the pain goes away. Sometimes it comes back, it comes in waves. It has been 9 months for me, and I of course have felt alone during that time. Alone every night when I go to bed. Alone trying to raise 2 daughters. Alone with all of the decisions in life. But, at certain times it really hits me hard. I AM ALONE!!! I could always count on Deb whenever I needed her, for whatever. I use my car for my job, and today I broke down. Before, I could call her and she would come rescue me. Today when I broke down, I got a ride home and got my backup car. About 2 hours later, it was leaking power steering fluid as fast as I could put it in. At this moment, I realized how alone I am. I have me to depend on, that's it. There is no Deb here to save me when I need it. No Deb to make my shitty day better at the end of the day. Even on my bad days, she would always make me feel better. It may sound a little silly, but there is a lot of small stuff that I depended on her for. I will make it through the bad days, it just sucks going through them alone. This sounds really dumb, I know, but after she first died I thought "How am I going to get splinters out of my hands?" She always dug them out for me, now what? I have had a few since, luckily on my left hand. Maybe I should wear gloves. I miss all of her, but it is really all of the small everyday stuff that I miss the most.

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Comment by Leftbehind on October 2, 2013 at 6:10am

Jake, you are absolutely right, all the small things rolled into one is enormous.  It is so hard being alone, especially after having someone to rescue you for so long.  Prayers for you my friend.

Comment by Joyce on October 2, 2013 at 5:59am

Oh Jake, you are so right - we miss everything about them, but it's the small things that get to me the most sometimes.

Comment by JPSwifeCathy on October 1, 2013 at 5:26am
Jake--It's the SPLINTERS that resonated with me---silly I know !! But JOHN was an expert at getting splinters out--just one of the multitude of the SMALL things I miss!! (((HUGS)))

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