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Really Bad Day
I just want to go to bed and pull the covers over my Head! My 6 yr old son passed away 8/8/1972. Over the years I have learned to live with this, To be Happy, but never forget him.
This weeks has been a weeks From HELL...
My daughter & huspand seperated. He left her with overdrawn check book. I had basically given him John's Truck. I told him it is old, so use it for fishsing and our trips to the dump... he sold his car and started using the truck.. It broke down. John had replaced the engine in 2010. Matt took it to a repair shop ,, I think he got his parents to pay for the repars... which were extensive & expensive. I am not sure what happened.. he had been taking it fishing and over some rough paths.. Anyhow he said the brakes were not working and took it back to the repair shop.. where it has been for a month.. kept telling me his parents were going to pay for it.. I went in yesterday.. 304.00. I used the last of credit card and money to pay for it.. Tracy & I will go get it after she is off work today. We have food, he mortgage is paid...
On Sunday a breaker blew in the Electrical box. I got a new breaker yesterday and it is popping off too...
I called friend.. he knows a retired Electrician who is going to call me today. I have no lights in my bedroom, do have the closet & bathroom lights. Have a couple extension cords going to outlets that are not affected.
I know... somehow we will Get through this.. But I am so down.. need my big teddy bear to hug and help fix things.. my "big Gorilla" as he called himself" Right NOW life looks like "sh...t" I do not want to be strong, I wnat to curl up in a little ball... I don't want to deal with "money" problems and the mess I have been left by a man that was sooo sweet..but left with all this mess and debt..
He said before he passed.... many times " I am leaving you a MESS" I tried to console him and tell him it was Okay.. but without him... I just want to walk away from it all.. being a stroke survivor and a widow.. I just don't have the resilience... I just want to run run run... but no where to hide.
Today not enjoying life.. I sure as Hell tomorrow.... is another day with something decent happening..
I keep praying.. God give me strength. like "Foot Steps In the Sand" I feel like a failure,
I need Hope... even a glimmer... I felt like I was making progress.and Now I feel like I have taken Miles backward.
I am so sorry this is an terrible post, I am usually a positive, 1/2 full glass kind of glass person.. I think I broke the glass.
Views: 63
Comment
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Comment by Sunflower37 on August 11, 2012 at 12:34am -
Oh Bonnie...I'm so sorry. Hugs to you.
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Comment by kimkirt (KK) on August 9, 2012 at 8:31am -
It is now tomorrow and I hope that the day dawns better for you. HUGS!
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Comment by LaurieR on August 9, 2012 at 12:58am -
Bonnie
Breath my friend. Someday soon, things will get a little better. Be kind to yourself
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Comment by Blue Snow on August 8, 2012 at 10:44pm -
One step at a time, one problem at a time...you're going to get through this temporary set back. {{{{hugs}}}}}
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Comment by Vickie MN on August 8, 2012 at 9:29pm -
Bonnie, I can relate to normally being a positive person, but some days we just have to smash that half-full glass into a million pieces. We can worry about picking them up and regrouping tomorrow. For today, allow yourself to feel whatever it is that is on your mind. You've had a lot of extra stress to deal with, just be kind to yourself and take some extra deep breaths -- innnnn, out... innnnnnnnnn, out.... -- and let that stress slip away. If you still don't feel any better, go find another half-full glass and crush that one, too!!!
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Comment by Susan J on August 8, 2012 at 1:40pm -
Bonnie, this has been one of those weeks for me too. I haven't been hit with anymore financial stuff, but I'm so busy at work and am hammered by emotions. You are not alone. Here is a great big, warm hug to help get you through. Have a good cry and carry on, girlfriend. We all love you.
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Comment by Suz on August 8, 2012 at 1:12pm -
Bonnie,
You strike me as a very "glass half-full" kind of gal. I think you have just reached a temporary limit. You have been left with several messes!!! I do think you have been making progress and you have some great coping skills that have gotten you through the most difficult times. Maybe time to go to bed, roll up in a ball and cry, then do whatever you need to do to be kind to yourself.
I was left with a mess in terms of the whole house falling apart before my eyes. So far, I have had the money to fix it so I can't complain that much but it does get to you, when you have so little reserve and so much in a mess.
I will pray for strength for you, too. Just keep writing. Don't worry about being down, that does not make this a "terrible post" or mean you are "going backwards." You will get back there again!
Big hugs,
Suz
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