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I just want to go to bed and pull the covers over my Head! My 6 yr old son passed away 8/8/1972. Over the years I have learned to live with this, To be Happy, but never forget him.
This weeks has been a weeks From HELL...
My daughter & huspand seperated. He left her with overdrawn check book. I had basically given him John's Truck. I told him it is old, so use it for fishsing and our trips to the dump... he sold his car and started using the truck.. It broke down. John had replaced the engine in 2010. Matt took it to a repair shop ,, I think he got his parents to pay for the repars... which were extensive & expensive. I am not sure what happened.. he had been taking it fishing and over some rough paths.. Anyhow he said the brakes were not working and took it back to the repair shop.. where it has been for a month.. kept telling me his parents were going to pay for it.. I went in yesterday.. 304.00. I used the last of credit card and money to pay for it.. Tracy & I will go get it after she is off work today. We have food, he mortgage is paid...
On Sunday a breaker blew in the Electrical box. I got a new breaker yesterday and it is popping off too...
I called friend.. he knows a retired Electrician who is going to call me today. I have no lights in my bedroom, do have the closet & bathroom lights. Have a couple extension cords going to outlets that are not affected.
I know... somehow we will Get through this.. But I am so down.. need my big teddy bear to hug and help fix things.. my "big Gorilla" as he called himself" Right NOW life looks like "sh...t" I do not want to be strong, I wnat to curl up in a little ball... I don't want to deal with "money" problems and the mess I have been left by a man that was sooo sweet..but left with all this mess and debt..
He said before he passed.... many times " I am leaving you a MESS" I tried to console him and tell him it was Okay.. but without him... I just want to walk away from it all.. being a stroke survivor and a widow.. I just don't have the resilience... I just want to run run run... but no where to hide.
Today not enjoying life.. I sure as Hell tomorrow.... is another day with something decent happening..
I keep praying.. God give me strength. like "Foot Steps In the Sand" I feel like a failure,
I need Hope... even a glimmer... I felt like I was making progress.and Now I feel like I have taken Miles backward.
I am so sorry this is an terrible post, I am usually a positive, 1/2 full glass kind of glass person.. I think I broke the glass.