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     It's been 2 years and 8 months sense I sat next to my husbands bed caring for him until he passed away in our home from lung cancer. Now here I am again, I sit next to my Dad's bed in the same room in my house caring for him. He has leukemia and will not be with me much longer. I wouldn't want it any other way because I love them both with all of my heart. But some days I really wonder how much emotional turmoil one mind can take before it breaks. Sense I lost my husband my Dad has been the only man I've been able to depend on, to trust, to turn to. Now I wonder how I'll make it on my own, no one to lean on when times get tough,no one to teach me repairs or talk to when I need advice.  He helped me through the worst time of my life and I have no idea how I'm going to now say goodbye to him. All my days are filled with tears, not only for Dad but still for KC my wonderful husband. If God is testing me to see just how strong I am I sure hope he see's I can't take much more. I'm finding it harder and harder to still believe, but I talk to KC in hopes he will be able to help Dad when I no longer can. Love and miss you Honey, please help me when I need ya most!

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Comment by Morgana (Janet) on February 2, 2014 at 12:09pm

((((Lisa)))) we are all here for you. Your not alone. Sending prayers your way and lots of hugs.

Comment by Passingthrough on February 1, 2014 at 9:21pm
Riseup22. I so much agree with you that God does not take away our difficulties but gives is grace to go through them. It's a long journey but we do get through it.
Comment by Diane on February 1, 2014 at 3:49am

Lisa, I am so sorry you are going through such a painful time.  You are a special person with a lot of love in your heart.  Your husband and father are very lucky people to have had you to ease their passing.  You're in my thoughts and prayers.  ((hugs)) 

Comment by Choosing life on January 31, 2014 at 2:40pm
Lisa, I am so sorry you are having to go through this. You are not alone -- everyone here on this website is with you here and in spirit. And RiseUp22 I can identify with your comments. I am just now beginning to realize that God does not take away difficulty, but He will help us if we ask him. It sounds so simple, but it is hard to let go of it when you are a person who is used to fixing everything. My family kept telling me that "they dont know how I got through it (my husband's illness as I was his care giver). And now looking back i can see that God was holding me up, giving me strength, keeping me from breaking down and helping me to survive on almost no sleep. I was so scared and so incredibly worn out. I was very close to the edge. But somehow God held on to me. I could never had gotten through that time frame on my own. So now I am learning to put my trust in him to bring me through this part. He will bring you through it too. As someone told me a few months ago, "God has his arm around you". I pray for you and your family.
Comment by RiseAgain on January 31, 2014 at 2:09pm

Hi, I am so sorry you are facing this trial.  The other day I was walking around the house, crying out..... "I Cant do this!! I cant do this anymore!!"

Its was wierd, then I sensed a sill small voice tell me, "thats right, but you do all things through God"

It was when I realized how much I was trying to handle everything, that I let go of some of it, and Found some peace. I know it must be painful, But God doesnt always take away our difficulties, but gives us grace to get through them Bless you and I pray Gods grace and healing for you and family

Comment by laurajay on January 31, 2014 at 11:12am

Lisa  God is not testing you.  The question is are you trusting Him?  Our life cycle includes death for each of us , it is not separate in and of itself.   Old people all die. We lose them.  We are grief stricken.  Our hearts feel torn to shreds! We cannot see the bigger picture.  We cannot imagine how we will cope.  Our lives are changed forever!   Say  goodbye when the time comes  and turn to God to hold you, to strengthen you and to stay with you.  Of course a spirit  does not seem like much of a comfort when you need daily help with things just to go on...but sincere prayer can strengthen you to be able to find the practical help you need.  Takes patience and lots of time.  As for the souls of our departed loved ones, it is no longer up to us because they are home now for eternity if you are a believer.  Release them .  God is providing everything for them.  They like us await reuniting.  But life for you, for each of us goes on here...we carry sorrow, we carry sweet memories,  we grieve beyond belief  but it is all part of the life cycle...embrace it-  fight it and languish long and hard   accept it  and gradually heal...each in his or her own way and in their own time.   Much love to you at this trying time.  You are loved   believe  God is always there for you.   Laurajay

Comment by Lisa (lost) Lamb on January 31, 2014 at 9:27am

Thank you My Rose, sometimes it really does feel like a test. I just pray that one day I get a little breathing room and time to heal.

Comment by my roses on January 31, 2014 at 3:57am

My roses

Dear Lisa  what a terrible and difficult journey you have.  Going through almost the same things again. A pastor told me recently, when I mentioned that I can't take much more.  I had knelt on the floor with my foreheard touching the ground just had it completely.  When he heard this he said - when it gets to that stage God usualy acts quickly. I hope so. We do feel we are being tested, it is really the last straw.  It may not just be God though... it could be the enemy ... my Wes was being attacked and I and others were praying for him about 3 times a day for weeks. I also understand about the help  with repairs when we do not know about all these things.  When your set of skills is totally different to your husband's it makes for a lot of stress.  So many widows seem to be facing this. I have been a carer for my husband at home and know how demanding it can be, but our love for them drives us forward.  Today 31 st is the anniversary  of my husband's funeral.  I was going fairly well, but just feeling a bit lonely - went out of the house and met a friend etc.  But after suddenly, I was hit with a burst of sobbing while driving.  Had to stop and put music on in the car to drown my sobs and moans.  This is the end of my first year and 2013 began with same deep sobs which  seemed to have gone but are now back.  Whatever, you feel, how ever much you cry I hope you will come through all this.  I will  pray for you.  The emptiness along with the floods of tears are quite devastating.  One can feel like a lost child. If possible maybe you could pray for an easy and peaceful passing for your father.  I will also pray for him. Does he have a belief in God?  Many blessings

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