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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I met my wife Laura when she was a 17 year old farm girl from Upstate New York. Her life evolved from milking cows to working for a Silicon Valley tech company. Over the years she grew in beauty, maturity, sophistication and worldliness. She evolved in her spiritual maturity to understand more of who she really was.

Seventeen years after initially meeting her, we got married. Our lives together were full of adventure, self discovery, spiritual growth, family, work and travel. We were soul mates in every sense, always pulling the cart in the same direction. We didn't fight or squabble. We were extremely compatible. We finished each other's sentences. Once in a while I would be sitting there pondering and she would say to me, "I know what you're thinking." Most of the time she would be very close.

There was great comfort in our relationship to ponder and talk about our history together. To say, "Remember back in 1984 when we went to a Mets double header at Shea Stadium where I held your hand for the first time?"  Remember this and remember that. The history and the story of our lives and families became more sacred as the years passed by. The investment in each other became greater over time. The trust and belief in each other grew as well. We were each other's best friend. The trust and loyalty in each other was deep and very satisfying.

Laura passed away after 17 years of marriage. She died at home while awake, surrounded by friends and family. She refused to take the chemo and radiation and told me that she wasn't afraid to die.  I don't know what the number 17 meant with her soul. I can only observe it. I knew her and her family for 34 years. Her parents are gone and she's gone. This phase of my life is over and a new phase is unfolding. I know that she is now my spirit guide and an aspect of her will always be with me for the rest of this present incarnation.

Remember your story.

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Comment by Thankfulheart on January 29, 2018 at 8:40pm

That is so cool! I feel that my husband guides me as well. I'm grateful. He was a great! Man but before he died he told me I had his blessing to start a new chapter. He told me to live life, be happy and forgive. I am thankful for the time we had  together. 

Comment by KayeL on February 16, 2016 at 4:56pm

I met my husband when we were in college in 1999. We met through mutual friends at a gathering but he didn't have good impression on me because he said I reminded him so much of his ex-girlfriend whom he went out with for a short few months when he was around 21. Two years later, in 2001, circumstances brought us together and we started chatting on the phone occasionally. The following fall semester, we happened to take the same class and he always asked me to have lunch immediately when classes dismissed. After a short two months of chatting during lunch, we fell in love with each other. I was 21, and he was 25.

He and I are two ultra conservative and traditional people. We were surprised how close our values and mindset were as no one around us shared the same views and values at such young age: We appreciated the same things, we were serious Bible believers (though later I did drift away...) we shared the same thoughts and beliefs on relationship, marriage, values on life, on raising a family, our disagreement on intimacy before marriage and so forth. We were pretty made for each other! Taking into accounts we both were international students coming all the way from the same city and settled in the same university and that we got to meet each other, we thanked God for this perfect matching. We adored each other. His love, his caring, his mental supports nurtured and pampered me for the past 15 years. We became man and wife in 2010, had our first born in 2013. When we thought our life was perfect- a great marriage with a good baby, stable job and a nice house, cancer came to claim his life in January 2016. Our humble, happy family of 3 was shattered within a month after he got diagnosed with cancer. Nothing is ever the same again.

I am heartbroken as my husband was MY ALL during the past 15 years. My security, love, identity, my happiness, my comfort zone all have been built around him as my core corner stone. Now that he's gone, I barely know who I am anymore. I used to be naive, happy, innocent but not anymore. I don't even know if I could find happiness again. At age 36, I was thrown from the top of the hill to the lowest of the bottomless abyss. I can't see what's ahead of me and how I could raise our 2yo all by myself. He promised he was going to help to rare our child. We have had visions and dreams on building our family together. Now he's gone, I am nobody. Lately I keep praying if God is merciful enough to take me to join hubby in heaven. The only time that I could put a smile on my face is when I think of our cremains will be shared under the same marker in the same lot, there I will be able to stay with him forever and ever.

Comment by Lex on February 16, 2016 at 3:22pm

Preblehiker,  My sweet Randy  died Oct 2010 and we were like peanut butter & jelly we got along  so well. I miss  being able to talk about our history  together  like  when we  bought our first sailboat  and learned how  to sail. Randy also  would check  on me when I was doing yard work and make lunch for me.  Your posting  resonated with me and brought up many memories.  I'm  so sorry  for your loss.

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