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I was with my spouse for almost 50 years. I have been widowed for three months. I miss his touch  so much. When someone has touched you almost  every day for 50 years how do you forget the feeling. I don’t want to forget the feeling yet I don’t want to remember the feeling because it hurt so much.I’m scared I’m going to forget the feeling of his touch . But yet it hurts to remember. 

    Judyrose 

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Comment by Judyrose on September 22, 2019 at 2:02pm

Kevin. Thank you so much for you words. The poem was beautiful. I’m so sorry for your loss. I try and write down my feeling but sometimes it’s hard to put into words. I want to remember the good times we had. This poem was so beautiful thank you again for replying to my comment. 

 Judyrose 

Comment by Kevin on September 19, 2019 at 3:28am

i felt the same after i lost Lee we were together 27 almost 28 wonderful years,and when i felt like you do,i'd write about how i was feeling,so i wrote this,    


Jan 25, 2013 at 10:20 AM

            "Remembering us"
If you can't remember me when you're alone at night 
Remember  the way we held each other tight
Or those days when you were  sitting on the couch 
How sometimes I could be such a grouch 
And all those times  I told you to hush 
Because you said something sexy and made me blush
Or when I was driving how mad I'd get 
Because you kept asking are we there yet
How about the weekend we spent in key west
Those were the times I loved the best 
Our life together was more ups than downs
Not much crying,very few frowns
If good times were money I'm willing to bet 
We would  have enough to pay the national debt
I may have left you while in my prime
But life with you was one big good time 
So if memories of me don't come easy don't put up a fuss
Take a deep breath,clear your mind and try remembering us
In memory of
Janet "Lee"
7/18/64-10/29/2010
Comment by Judyrose on September 16, 2019 at 12:49pm

DIVA 70.

Thank you so much for your beautiful comforting wordsIt felt so secure and reassuring to read them. I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband and your And soulmate.

  You are so right I feel like I’m having an out of body experience it just doesn’t feel like it can be real I’m just at any time he will come home and then it hits me. 

 My husband had congestive heart failure for about five years. He had been in and out of the hospital quite a bit since the beginning of the year with fluid around his heart but every time they seem to get rid of it and he come home and he’d be fine well this last time The doctors told us his heart was getting weaker and then he got pneumonia and his heart just couldn’t handle that.

 I think back about The first time I met him I was just out of high school and I was with a girlfriend who liked his friend but I did not like him at all. And then a couple years later and saw him again and he kissed me and that was the end of that. I try to reflect on the good times not so much on the bad times.

  He is the first thing I think about when I get up in the morning and the last thing I think about when I go to sleep pretty much all day long I try to keep busy and do at least a few chores a day so I don’t have to think. 

  I recently adopted dog and taking her walks is really helped me getting out of the house otherwise I think I just sit here and cry.

I remember most of my husband’s funeral it wasn’t very long  it was just family.  I didn’t cry either I think I was just in such shock it was actually happening. Thank goodness my children didn’t cry either because I think that would’ve been the end of me it was so helpful to me and so strong. 

 Thank you so much for your kind words. This site is so wonderful to read what people feel and how they handle things really has helped me and I will continue to be on here. 

     Judyrose 

Comment by Mary on September 15, 2019 at 3:43am

As DIVA70 described, this is like having an out of body experience.  Maybe that's a way of coping, I don't know.  It's just going thru the motions of living for me most days.  If I stop and really think about my life "before", it's just too overwhelming.  It's too hard to really grasp that that life is over.  I can't really accept it, even though there is no choice.

So, maybe I'm doing better after 6 months because I've just pushed reality further away, I don't know.  Guess that's not really better though.  Sometimes, it all comes crashing down when reality sets in.

One thing that helps is to keep coming here and reading what others have written.  Most people don't really understand if they haven't been thru it, so sometimes it's hard to spend time with them.  I thankful for time with my sons, but they do have their own lives.

We have spent the majority of our lives with our husbands.  It's so hard to figure out how to go on from here.

Comment by DIVA70 on September 14, 2019 at 8:17pm

So sorry for your loss....My soulmate and I were married for over 47 years and together for 50 years. He would tell people we were together even longer than that because we actually were in the sixth grade together. 15 months ago he became unconscious after having completed his dialysis treatment. I actually arrived to pick him up as the paramedics were working to revive him. He regained consciousness and was transported to the hospital for further observation. That was Thursday. Three days later I was preparing to bring him home. It was a Sunday morning. He was happy and upbeat and anxiously waiting for me to pick him up. Less than an hour after our last conversation he took a turn for the worse and an hour after that he was gone. 

How do you forget someone who has been the main focal point of your life for 50 years? How do you forget someone who you basically grew up together?

In my case you don't. I wake up in the morning thinking about him and he is the last thing on my mind when I close my eyes at night.  For me the first twelve months was like having an out of body experience. I went through the motions and that was all. I was telling a church member I remember very little about the days of his funeral services. Thank God for my wonderful church family and friends who handled most of the ceremonial aspects of the day. I was numb. A relative remarked that I didn't cry at the service. Neither did my adult children. We all adored him. I think if either of us had cried at that point it would have been too much. I know that three months later a close cousin called to check on me and that's when I just lost it. All of my sorrow just came pouring out. I don't think a day has passed since that time when I have not cried. But I have noticed that the crying is not as intense. And now when I listen to our favorite songs I can smile through the tears.

Things we used to do together I no longer do because I just don't get the same enjoyment. I went to Griefshare and that has helped. I have decided to stay in our home of the last 27 years. This was our dream home. This is where we basically  raised our three children. This is where our grandchildren played with grandpa and had the most fun times. I have made some cosmetic changes outside and inside. But for now this works best for me.

I will never get over the loss of my mate but I will get through it. Thank goodness we had time to talk about just about everything. We had even discussed how we wanted the other to live in the event one of us passed away before the other. Still, it is so hard. There is a widower in my church whose wife passed away about 5 months before my Tony. In fact she is buried in the same veteran cemetery. I put flowers on her grave each time I visit Tony. Her husband reminded us in church not long ago that this is an experience you don't wish on anyone but you just have to accept it and take it one day at a time. He said he never knows what the trigger will be. It may be a song, or even a comment someone makes that has found him crying uncontrollably. As he spoke I could feel myself bowing my head in agreement. One thing I know is some things don't affect me the way they used to and I am less tolerant of people who complain because they had to sit in traffic an extra fifteen minutes. 

Judyrose, your grief is fresh and you are venturing down a path that is foreign to you. Hopefully, you have family and friends who can be there for you when you need them. There is no shame in crying. I had one person tell me she even broke  a few wine glasses. Come to this site and vent. We understand. Most of all, take care of your physical health. I had a couple of issues that surfaced and all the doctor could surmise is that it was probably related to the emotional impact of my losing my husband. This is not something you get over in a week or a month or even a year. Take care.

Comment by Judyrose on September 14, 2019 at 6:46pm

Mary. 

 Thank you for your comment I’m sorry for the pain that you were going through I’m like you I don’t know how I will ever get better. 

I can go to the store by myself because I did that before he left me but there are places I won’t go can’t go.

There are some places I can go with my kids that we went together as a family before  He left me and I’m OK there when I get home I have a breakdown I’m like you I don’t know how this is going to get easier or better and I don’t know if I want it to. I’m just so tired of hurting and crying.

 That must be scary to feel like he was never here. I still think he’s coming home I don’t know why he left me in the first place. I guess all we can do is try to make it from day to day Or hour to hour or minute to minute. So you’re telling me there’s not any better after six months. I don’t know how itvwill ever get better. But I suppose it will.

 Judyrose 

Comment by Mary on September 14, 2019 at 4:31pm

Judyrose,

I feel the same as you.  We were married for 46 years, and he has been gone for 6 months.  We went everywhere together.  I can't even get used to going to the store.  I have no interest in going to places we went together, even with a friend.  It's not the same.  I don't know how this is ever going to get easier.

I miss him, but some days, it feels like he was never here.  I don't know how that can be.

Mary

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