Most of the situations I find myself in since my husband past are sad. Some are empowering and some just make me laugh at the ridiculousness of them. I sometimes think of what a person look in on us or maybe walking in to the room would think. Mostly I think of what our guardian angel thinks and how often he laughs at his family's many adventures.
Recently a friend gifted us a book about grief. There are a number of children's books about grief. There is one that I feel is genuine and appropriate for children that have lost their dad. Anyway this particular book that was gifted to me is called Here in the Garden and the tag on the book says it is about a boy who spends time in the garden through the seasons remembering someone he lost.
The book arrived during a week I was already struggling through. I was hormonal, crying every day, dealing with a cancer diagnosis for my mom. It wasn't an ideal time to revisit our grief. I sat down at bedtime to read the new book to my 5 year old while my 2 year old finished brushing her teeth and getting dressed. The book starts off with the boy describing the garden and the weather and then he says 'and I wish you were here.' My son asked if he had lost his dad too and only had a mom. I told him yes because why not and we kept reading. I got the second 'and I wish you were here' before I lost it sobbing uncontrollably, unable to see the pages or read anymore.
My son turned and said it was okay and wrapped his arms around me. It is hard for him to deal with me crying, but he did great. My daughter stopped what she was doing, half clothed and said 'don't worry mom, I will get a towel for your tears. My daughter comes back with her Moana beach towel to wipe my tears. I have to learn forward for her to reach my tears and I have to let her wipe them because as a stubborn 2 year old she HAD to wipe my tears. She takes the towel and rubs it all over my face as if she is cleaning a window. My son who is enveloped in my lap gets smothered and starts flailing trying to get the towel off him. She tells him to hold on she is almost done.
I just started laughing. If someone had heard crying and come in to check on me they would have seen a little girl holding up a Moana towel that was jumping and flying around as my son tried to save himself. They may not have seen a grieving family taking care of each other. If my husband were there he would have laughed and said 'you guys are all ridiculous.'
I was able to finish the book eventually and I laughed at the end because through my tears I didn't realize the entire time the little boy was missing his bunny. A BUNNY! The last page is a bunch of pictures of the little boy holding a bunny dancing around. Here I am telling my son this boy lost his dad too and in reality he lost his bunny. So now my son thinks the boy got a bunny to make him feel better and that book got piled with the other grief books that don't apply to our family.