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I dont know what it is, but lately those words run through my mind at least 10 times a day. So far I have fought the urge but its exhausting. Every time I leave my house I have to have a place to go, be it work or the grocery store or the post office. If I dont have a plan in place I am afraid that I will get in the truck and just start driving. Going to the gas station is excruciating because I think to myself I have a full tank of gas, I could just take off. And as much as I hate to admit it, my suitcase is still in my room from my trip to San Diego. It is empty and it is just sitting there taunting me. Yeah, I know, I could put it away but I havent.
I dont have a destination in mind. I just want to RUN. As far away and as fast as I can. I know that running wont do me any good. After all I did that for 2 years. If I were to be philosophical about it I could probably come up with a hundred reasons why I want to run and only one good reason to stay. That reason being I dont want to go thru that crushing crash that comes when you realize that all the reasons to run are still there when you stop.
So, for now, I will not act on those words but damn its exhausting.