Run, Amy, Run

Comment

Comment by kimkirt (KK) on October 23, 2012 at 8:56am

Hi Amy. I have been running and coming back and crashing. But now I recognize it for what it is and my running is therapeutic to me. It is opening my world. It has turned from running away (somewhat) to running toward. Toward new beginnings, new adventures, new avenues. I understand the need to run, my suitcase stays down and at the ready and I use the excuses of a podunk town and my son needing to see the world. However, the call of responsibility always has me return.  One day I hope that my responsibilities will be elsewhere and I can look and see that I am healing and moving and where I am supposed to be. Be it where I am now, or where I am meant to go, and I know that time will be that wisest counselor.  Thank you for sharing my friend!

Comment by bad ass widow on October 22, 2012 at 9:16pm

Thank you everyone, its nice to know that my desire to run is understood and so is the fact that I will stay.  A friend has offered me his cabin in the woods up in Wisconsin and I am going to disappear up there for a weekend.  I will have my wine and cheese and plenty of chocolate.  I think I need the time to reassure myself that I am and will be ok.

And Fred, I have some gas cards too, maybe we can combine them and take one hell of a road trip to CA!

Comment by Suz on October 21, 2012 at 11:23pm

Amy, 

I do know what you mean. I am running, too, but with fibro and chronic fatigue it is run, run, crash, run, run, crash. It's not the worst thing in the world because it does help me to keep busy and involved in life but when I hit that crash, all those feelings are still there. So I guess I will just run a bit and continue to crash a bit, knowing I can't avoid dealing with things eventually. It sure feels good to have a "brief break."

Hugs,

Suz

Comment by ginadf on October 21, 2012 at 7:21pm

Ahh!!! Amy.    Always looking to run,  looking to escape this pain and exhausting life.  I know theres only one place i will finally find my peace.  but until that day,  its run baby run!!!!   Sometimes I get to stop and breathe, and stop thinking,  and thats when im with my friends at WV!!!   Love u all, and im so glad we all found each other.

Comment by SpiritWalker on October 21, 2012 at 5:49pm

Thank you Amy, I too had that compulsion and acted on it.  I spent alomst two years traveling all over the USA and Canada.  I went back to all the places Cathie and I had shared together and also to the places she and i never had the chance to, but planned!  I still take my mini-escapes, when I can.  It was healthy and cleansing...but yes the facts are.  I had to come back and she is still not here.  There's not much here really, oh I have children, family, and friends.  But each day I realize there's not much here for me.  But after two years of travel, there's not much out there either.  In this I have realized that here or there; matters not..what matters is how I live here or there....!!!  One day i will find the here or there and know i have once again found where i am supposed to be....till then i run here or there...and it does bring cleansing with each trip....

Comment by hendrixx2 on October 21, 2012 at 4:58pm

Hi Amy,

The added exhaustion I feel these days may have this as a source in my own life as I am thinking along these lines more and more...my own suitcase tho unpacked also, resides along a living room wall; my own idea being that since my real issues reside inside my head...so the solutions must also, makes them accepted traveling companions, a change in scenery to wrestle with them seems acceptable to me... the the urge to discount notions of family fidelity and responsibilities to creditors appears to be growing and I am becoming more comfortable with the whole idea....at present I am putting off doing it until 2morrow, and with the gifts of gas cards, San Deigo ain't sounding half bad...thanx so much posting...  

Comment by AEDforever (Ali) on October 21, 2012 at 1:40pm

Amy, so glad I am not the only one that has these thoughts. I somehow think that taking off for some uknown destination would provide a "fresh start"..or just help me shed this life I am in that I am so unhappy with. But I know, deep down, that wherever I go..there I am.  So, I stay..and hash it out.  Yes, life can be tiring..exhausting..but I'm hanging on to the hope that it can also be energizing and fulfilling..someday.

Comment by telechick on October 21, 2012 at 9:30am

I also know the feeling.  This winter when Corey was sick all I wanted to do was to get him and our dog and get into the truck and just drive - go on a long-assed road trip and leave all the sickness and pain behind. It never happened.  I still have that feeling of wanting to take my dog and just go somewhere, anywhere, to escape this pain - but as we all know, that just isn't possible. 

Many hugs to you.

Comment by janet on October 21, 2012 at 9:29am

Amy, I can relate.  The thought has even crossed my mind as well.  It sure is tempting but like you I realize that the reason is still there when we stop. 

Take some time for yourself and be gentle with yourself.  Wishing you Peace and hope...

Comment by fallenangl (Kristen) on October 21, 2012 at 7:31am

Amy sweetie I know how exhausting it is and understand. Your right it will all still be there with you when you do stop, and as you know from my mistakes it's a very hard crash(or crashes in my case lol) at the end. You can do this just take it one moment at a time, breathe and do something nice for yourself to help your mind rest, or let up a little if that's even possible. A massage, hair & nails, shopping, a new book or journal or whatever you like to help yourself unwind a little. For me sweetie usually the journal and writing things out helps A LOT. Usually anyway, but it helps me to sit and focus on the task of writing and take whatevers going on in that head of mine and get it out on paper. Just find your *thing* and go to it when you need to. I know your working and have the dogs and stuff but maybe a short trip somewhere even if just for the day might help, it helps me a lot to not go running away from all this once again if I allow myself to run a little with the understanding I AM coming back but for a day or so it's okay to run a little and BREATHE. Call me Amy anytime we can do this and and make sure you do something nice for yourself soon because this whole process is utterly exhausting and draining. Hugs my sweet friend.

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