It is Saturday, the day before Mother's Day. Mothers Day is falling on the 13th this year. I wonder, is that a sign of bad luck? For me maybe, as it is the first Mothers Day without my soulmate. For without him, I would not have become a mother and have reason to celebrate the day. A few months ago this 'hallmark holiday' did not enter my mind as one that was going to be difficult. Fathers Day ...yes, for sure, but not Mothers Day. It was not until earlier this week that once again, the grief began to escalate. Two days of deep sadness and puddles of tears before I realized that maybe grief is on the rise because of the approaching "Mother's Day". Once I accepted that it was likely the reason, I thought about 'why'. The answer came quickly. When my children were young they used to create things in school and bring them home on both Mothers Day and Fathers Day. Now they are in the in between stage. Too old to create something in school but too young to conjure up a celebration on their own, such as a picnic at the beach, or cooking a meal for mom. My husband lead that effort with them when they were young and during the in between stage. He would let me sleep in. He would ask them, 'what should we make mom for breakfast' and would also sit them down to draw on construction paper and turn their creation into a card. I still have some of the cards that he helped them make. Mothers Day started becoming Mothers weekend, every weekend....he would let me sleep in an extra hour...he always got up with them. He was an angel, here on earth.
This morning, he popped into my dream, 5 minutes before my alarm was set to go off. He turned to me as I was sleeping in the bed and said 'C'mon hunny, it's time to wake up'. I opened my eyes in the dream and then really opened my eyes only to realize that it was a dream and he is not with us. The happy feeling of hearing his voice immediately disappeared and my muscles went heavy. Sadness consumed me as I lay in bed alone. Maybe he was sending me Mothers Day wishes for heaven. Thank you hunny, I miss you my love.