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I went to the VA and the Social Security office today to inform them of Randy's death. I had to sign some form verifying dates and information. In the section of our marriage information it said we began our marriage on January 12, 2007 and that out marriage ENDED on October 1, 2011! WTH?!?! What do they mean it ended?? I HATED seeing that. It was like a knife through my freaking heart! Our marriage is not over until I decide it is. He is MY HUSBAND. Not my former or late husband.... my husband. I do not know how else to look at it. I still consider myself 100% married to him. I am still carrying his child and she and I will both carry his last name. I am sure this will not haunt me forever, but for now I really do not want to see a marriage end date for us. It does not exist in my book. UGH...

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Comment by bad ass widow on November 26, 2011 at 5:51pm

Also the hardest thing to do later filling out different forms and such was who to contact in case of emergency.  That about set me over the edge.  I am sorry you had to go thru that.

Comment by bad ass widow on November 26, 2011 at 5:48pm

I didn't know anything about the DMV and since Keiths license was going to expire on his birthday (3 mo. after his death) I just let it go.  Low and behold in the beginning of December we went to get a Christmas Tree and a male friend of mine was driving we got pulled over.  The cop asked my friend if he was Keith and I said no that Keith had died in June.  He said well his license is expired and I said well so is he.  I asked him if he had a widows handbook so that I would have known.  He politely said sorry and walked away.

Comment by DonnaReid on November 13, 2011 at 5:29am

I didn't have to turn in my husband's drivers license (thank God!) when I went to the DMV. I guess every state is different? What happens if it's "lost" or something?

Comment by lifeistoshort1975 on November 6, 2011 at 12:52pm

MMM seeing it on paper, I wen't to the doc cause I had swallen legs, and had to fill out the Medical History, and I had to check "Widow" It took me 15 minutes to check that box. The last ambulance bill, the left over bills, my hubby owes. Anything with his name on it. Its a knife to the heart.

 

Comment by LadyMontana on November 6, 2011 at 12:00pm
AlwaysMrsLeBus, I know exactly how you are feeling. The first time I looked at the social security papers when my husband passed, I was fine until I read where it said our marriage ENDED June 13th, 2011. Reading that was so devastating and i just burst into tears. We were not fortunate to have had a long marriage and some days it's still hard to believe that he's not here. He's always been here. I still consider myself 100% married to him as well, and still wear our rings. I am praying blessings upon you and your little one. Stay strong.
Comment by NMWidower on October 29, 2011 at 9:34pm

((HUGS)) things like this just seem to add fuel to the fire of the pain of griefand just seem to throw the loss right back in our faces unexpectedly.  I think these times are really challenging and its ok that it made you angry.  This is all just part of grieving and reflects the deep bond you shared with your spouse.  No one can ever make it over for you with a form, even though its honestly hard not to feel like that is what they want to do with a marriage end date.  I almost wish they simply would have put date of death rather than end of marriage.  This is probably a clear example of trying to do too many things with the same form and it having very negative results when a spouse dies and its not divorce.  So sorry you had to go through that the other day ((HUGS))  Pat-NMWidower

Comment by Kerryn on October 29, 2011 at 6:22pm
I so agree.  I remember filling out all those forms and thinking the same thing - it didn't end...,  Marking on new medical forms - the options are married or single - but then what am I?  I, in my heart and mind, and with the rings I still wear, am still married - but then there is no information to put in the "spouse" information parts.  It has not yet "ended" for me either -
Comment by Marsha on October 29, 2011 at 9:51am
Call DMV before you do anything. Here in California I finally called to see what I should do. Nothing in regulations. When I transferred his truck to my name at AAA they said eventually his dealth will catch up with his license. Never had any intention of giving them the license back. Didn't take a lot of pictures so everyone of Bruce is precious now. Hated giving back his company name tag with his picture. Each state is different and your state may not have anything on books. Can also check DMV online and see. May not have to make trip to DMV office.
Comment by AlwaysMrsLeBus on October 29, 2011 at 8:39am
I didn't even think about DMV... I think I may skip that one. I have his licenses (got one for him in the mail a week after he died from adding some endorsements) put away in his keepsake box. I want to keep them.
Comment by rodsgurl09 on October 29, 2011 at 8:17am

OMG Linda, how awful. I'm glad I heard this though...I haven't gone to DMV yet, was planning to do it this week. I'm going to tell them I can't find his license. : (

 

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