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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I am at a stage in my grief now where I am no longer sad all the time. In fact, most of my days are pretty good. Sure, there are moments when the sadness and pain suddenly return with a vengeance, moments usually triggered by seemingly small and insignificant things. But all in all, life is pretty good right now. I’m actually having fun living again and enjoying the little things in life. I guess you could say I’m fairly happy these days. Happy, or happiness, isn’t the right word though. I call it “semi-happiness.” I’m just trying to live my life the best I can now. My husband is gone and nothing will ever bring him back to me. That’s the cold, hard reality. And he would want me to enjoy life again. So why do I feel so darn guilty all the time? Guilty about laughing, having fun, being cheerful, etc. Guilty about buying pretty things for myself or for the new house (nothing big or wasteful, by the way). After my husband’s death, I had to downsize to a much smaller house and I’ve been accessorizing the new place with some cheerful purple and pink color and other “girly” things. Maybe it’s part of the “new me” - I don’t know, I just know that the colors cheer me up. I’m not trying to erase him and all we had together, but this is the first time that I can decorate my house in whatever way I like. There are other newfound freedoms as well, such as cooking only when I want to, watching whatever I like on TV, etc. A lot of times, I feel like my life is too good now, I should be more miserable and I shouldn’t enjoy these newfound freedoms. I feel guilty about that all the time. I’m a widow after all, should I even be “semi-happy”? Of course I know I’m doing the right thing and my husband would want me to move on, but this awful feeling of guilt keeps gnawing at me...  

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Comment by Lori on March 5, 2013 at 3:49pm

the black cloud of guilt is trying to steal your joy.  I believe that the happiness i have found and the joy i find in the crazy little things in life is because of my dear late husband mark, not despite it.  For me it helps turn that dark cloud into white puffy clouds of hope.  take care.

Comment by Jerry on March 5, 2013 at 4:58am
It has been 3 years that my wife is gone and I do feel guilt of sorts when I don't think of her as often as I did when she first passed away. But missing her can happen at any moment.This Sunday I took 2 of my grandchildren to the movies, as they were laughing, I thought about how my wife would have loved to be here and how much she loved these kids. Semi happy is a good way to describe how I feel now.i guess it could be worse. By the way love he tattoo, and how you had the R incorporated in the wings. I had my wife's name put on my wrist and a large portrait of her on my chest with a heart around it.
Comment by JPSwifeCathy on March 5, 2013 at 4:42am
Hi Daisy. :D
Me too!! It's been 10 months--and i feel guilty sometimes to be HAPPY--almost like "well didn't I LOVE him enough?" should't I be weeping ALL THE TIME?". John & I were married 28 years!! But i still cry sometimes feel very lonely & sad, sometimes hopeless but we all grieve different & I've come to some conclusions:: A I KNOW JOHN can once again walk , talk , laugh , sing & is worshipping Jesus right now( he died from ALS/Lou Gehrig's Disease). B. I'll see him again--this is NOT all there is! Blessings on your journey cathy
Comment by JPSwifeCathy on March 5, 2013 at 4:42am
Hi Daisy. :D
Me too!! It's been 10 months--and i feel guilty sometimes to be HAPPY--almost like "well didn't I LOVE him enough?" should't I be weeping ALL THE TIME?". John & I were married 28 years!! But i still cry sometimes feel very lonely & sad, sometimes hopeless but we all grieve different & I've come to some conclusions:: A I KNOW JOHN can once again walk , talk , laugh , sing & is worshipping Jesus right now( he died from ALS/Lou Gehrig's Disease). B. I'll see him again--this is NOT all there is! Blessings on your journey cathy

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