Music has always been a large part of my life. Maybe it started in high school when my brother and I started a band.. ..kind of like Marty Mcfly and the Pinheads only more like that upstart group "The Beatles". However it began, it never ended. Oh the band broke up alright but the music stayed inside. It was more than just the melody. It was the lyrics. I saw the words. I felt the words. They spoke to me about every emotion I could ever have experienced. When my first wife divorced me she said "You always quote lines". That probably bothered her almost as much as the twenty four years she wasted on me. But! It was how I expressed feelings. If you knew the song, you knew what I felt. I could sing my emotions better than I could speak them yet they were still how I felt. To me, life is art. It's a theater of plays about real life. I wasn't acting dammit! I was expressing how I felt. To me it isn't much different than using a hammer to drive a nail. It's just a tool that helps me speak only sometimes it's prettier than my limited brain can spit out. You most likely have me figured out.I plagiarize the entire writing world. So here's the disclaimer "I give credit to everything anyone has ever said, ever"!
Then I met Kathy. I can only describe it as "Magic" and I was lost to her from that very first moment. I would like to say it was mutual but uh uh, it wasn't. I had little red flags flying all over me. Her friends tried to warn her. Her family found out I wasn't divorced yet and you can guess how receptive they were whenever my name was mentioned. I did get divorced and I didn't go away. Something just happened inside her. Something just allowed her to take a chance. She went up to Canada that Christmas to be with her family and discovered that she was missing me. She wanted to get home to see me again and that's how it all began. The night I met her when she returned was the night of nights. We looked into eachothers eyes and I knew she had joined me. Call it infatuation if you want but I kind of skipped that part. Months later after we had been out to dinner, we went back to her home when she put a song on the stereo. It was Wynonna Judd and the song was "To be loved by you". I listened while she sang along looking into my eyes. Yeah, "she sang to me". She sang a lot of songs to me. She sang what was in her heart and they were songs that spoke to how she felt. These would be those times when we would go out to dinner and come home, turn on the music and just be together till the wee hours. Her voice poured into my very soul. It wasn't just a song. It was just another way of saying I love you. and she never quit till life quit her.
I drift now back to those first months after she left for the cosmos when I found her IPOD in a drawer. There it was with her earphones still plugged in for her morning walks and from that day forward, it became mine, no hers, no ours. It was a piece of her that I held quite dear. It had songs she had chosen and many I was not aware of. How cool it was to hear songs she would listen to that spoke to her. It was like listening in on her conversations. One song that stood out to me was by Marc Anthony it's tiled "You Sang To Me". To borrow a cute Canadian thing she would have said "Holy Crow"! That grabbed my attention. It's a song I sing to her now and will for years to come.
Now as the years pass, I have loaded quite a few songs of my own choosing on that IPOD. The songs I have chosen speak to her so they speak to me. The mix is warm and cozy and it kept me company on that long difficult drive up to Calgary to pick up some of our personal possessions after closing down our house up there. I listen to it at work, plug it into my car and even got me through a root canal. One late night flight heading up to a funeral for Kathy's dad, I was listening to it on what was almost an empty cabin when I felt the flight attendant's hand on my shoulder. She said "I'm sorry sir but your singing really loud". With the aircraft noise, the earphones on. my eyes closed, and a few drinks later, I had no idea anyone could hear me. I was never so glad to be the first one off the plane.
It is indeed the words. They tell my story. They tell our story. Two songs on her IPOD really caught my attention. They were about life after death. I added a third titled "Drops Of Jupiter" by Train. If someone asks me how I feel about something, I wish I could just hand them a tape and say "get back to me after you hear this and we'll talk".One day everything about my life just might be on that device telling a story like hieroglyphics on an obelisk.