So, it's almost been a year, since Jerry left me. I've come a long long way. I still have a long way to go! As I look back at what's helped me the most through this year I realized I have simplified my world. True, it's a whole lot smaller now but it feels more manageable.
I first let go of friends/people who create havoc, drama, and or negative vibes. Even though I know they mean well, most of the time certain folks in my life were draining before Jerry died. Since he's been gone I can't afford for anything else to drain me. I begged off, told those ppl thank you for understanding my need to grieve my way. I hope I handled it in a way as to spare feelings but I have since come to the conclusion I'm better off right now without a bunch of people cluttering up my mind. I can count on one hand that the people I've kept close. There are those few people who dropped ME, and it did hurt my feelings even though I understood their needs. I'm okay without them and probably better off for it. Social life simplified and it feels good.
Somehow, I have been able to process what's important or doesn't actually matter. By the grace of God, I've been able to stop worrying about what I can't control. One of my greatest fears was living without Jerry. It's here now, and I'm still standing. Anything else (barring something happening to my children) is a piece of cake. NOTHING else that is thrown at me will ever be this awful. I've truly learned what the phrase "give it to God and let go" means. Mental status simplified and it feels good.
Purging my home. For no reason in particular and without any thought to it, I began to purge each room in my home. I've been like a woman on a mission since that first room was done. I have been tossing out whatever I can find that hasn't been touched by human hands for over a year. In addition to that, I've tossed out what I just didn't need. I mean, I have my favorite cookware, so why do I have 2 or 3 of every type of pot? Tossed! Who really needs 50 or so storage containers? Gone! The sheet's I never use for one reason or another, cut up for cleaning rags. Makeup I haven't used in years tossed. The list goes on and on. I love that my home is better organized, simple even. I feel like I am breathing better just knowing unnecessary accumulations of general stuff isn't cluttering up my world. Also in a weird way, I have cleaned the slate and can now make my house into a home for ME rather than the home Jerry and I put together for US. Home simplified and it feels good.
Simplifying my kids. Of course, it isn't cut and dry, black or white.....it's damn hard to be a single parent of grieving teenagers. Heck teenagers are hard without adding in grief. They have lost both their daddy and their stepfather within a 2 week period. It's normal for them to go haywire. I have simplified my style of parenting them. The one I have at home anyway. One chose to leave because she didn't like my simple rules. She is 18 and has to figure out her own way. The 16-year-old went from being a normal kid with average angst to being hell on wheels. I tried being patient, lenient and understanding but it didn't work. There were all out wars around here for a little bit. I honestly didn't want to live if I was going to have to live the way our lives were going. So gone are the arguments, the door slamming, the attitudes. I now have a very nice teenage girl who is a pleasure to be around again. How? I simply informed her I was done parenting her. I gave her a list of rules, guidelines, and way to work on herself that wasn't overwhelming for a child and consequences. Then I stuck to my guns. What I have now is a kid that went from F's and D's to straight A's. A kid that was being brought home by the police to one that is home well before curfew. Mom life simplified and it feels damn good!
I've always had high anxiety and weird OCD issues. When you add grief to this, the feeling of every aspect of your life being out of control is overwhelming. By accident or divine intervention I've learned to simplify and be grateful. This has helped me personally in my grief and in others areas of my life. My next big order of simplifying will be putting together a capsule wardrobe and getting rid of clothes I don't need, fit, or want. SMH, how did I come to amass 30 pairs of plain old jeans?
If you are feeling stressed and out of control simplify one small thing and see if it's a fit for you.