A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
So many things to deal with!
I lost my husband of 27 years to lung cancer on June 29, 2012. He fought a hell of a fight for 4years and 3 months. He was the most optimistic joyful person i know. He was always the one that kept me hopeful and optomistic. The last 6 months of his life I watched him change so much physically. He was in intense pain, lost a tremendous amount of weight and the last three months literally fought for each breath. I watched him beg doctors to do more to help him.
Well the last two weeks of his life were spent in the hospital and I watched him loose his fighting spirit, and eventually i lost mine.
I have been fighting every day just to live and "Go On"! I work long hours and the last two weeks have been battling mentally to stay afloat. The season is changing here in Michigan and the weather changes seem like it is making me so depressed. While trying to fight through grief and depression I forgot to make my car payment, was due 19 days ago. Well yesterday i got a reminder that i hadn't paid it. two guys showed up on my porch stating they were there to repossess my vehicle. i had been prompt with every other payment. The car is solely in my husband's name and i guess even when not notified by you, the credit agencies report peoples death to them. I guess when i was 19 days late with the payment the credit union put in place for a repo. What a humiliating experience. I pleaded with them not to take the car and explained the situation. i was standing in the front yard crying and begging them not to take the car that i could give them the money. But they took it! I feel so damn stupid, i had the money in the bank, I just forgot to mail the payment. i felt so degraded, of course neighbors were watching. i should have taken care of my business but my brain isn't quite working as it normally would. Hell some days just getting out of bed are a challenge.
The repo guys and the police told me i could get the car back even though i am not on the loan if on Monday i past the past due pymt and repo fees. I pray that is true. Even though the car was only in his name it was the onlyworking vehicle that we had. i pray they give it back. I am so anxious thinking about it i can barely sit still. i have no transportation now. just want to crawl in a hole. I feel as though everything is falling apart.
Views: 161
Comment
-
Comment by janet on October 23, 2012 at 9:58am -
Sending hugs your way Lost. I agree with all the comments and know when the time is right you will make the right decision that is best for you.
Wishing you Peace and Hope...
-
Comment by Dianne in Nevada on October 23, 2012 at 8:59am -
I felt exactly like Ali when I read how you handled this, Lost. Shame on your credit union. But I am heartened to see how you handled it. You're thinking more clearly than you give yourself credit for and that is just excellent. A safety net is important (and if that safety net is at that credit union that treated you so poorly, moving it somewhere else would be a good idea). I do understand the pull to keep the car, but you can pull that memory up whenever you need it whether the car is sitting out in the driveway or not. We sometimes put too much emphasis on "things". Think this through as to what is best for you. Right now. With your present circumstances. And I have no doubt that you'll make the right decision for you. Keep sharing with us ♥
-
Comment by AEDforever (Ali) on October 23, 2012 at 8:19am -
Lost, I am so sorry that the credit union is being so heartless about all this. But I am also glad to hear that your neighbor stepped up and offered some help. It is true that having to deal with these kind of big decisions in the midst of your grief is not easy. But what I also see is that you have already taken some action and created some options for your self in looking at possibly buying that different car. What that says is that you have a strength you don't even know is there, and that you do indeed have the ability to navigate this situation, as challenging as it is. Perhaps find a trusted friend to ask for advice to help you make this decision? Hang in there lost and I hope the best for you. (hugs)
-
Comment by lostwithouthim on October 23, 2012 at 6:29am -
Thank You Sooo much everyone for the well wishes, hugs and positive thoughts. Well Monday I called the credit union representative that initiated the repo. I was offered 2 options in order to get the car back. Pay the BALANCE of the loan or get it refinanced in my name. Getting it refinanced would give me a MUCH higher interest rate. I could possibly pay the balance, but it would leave me with a very depleted safety net and savings. Being newly widowed and alone for the first time in my adult life without a safety net is very scary. I am also kinda thinking the car may have something going on with the engine or trans. Because it was performing a little differently. I think it may be something minor, but i'm not sure. Before all this I was planning to put it in the shop for service and maintanence. I was would hate to invest all the money to pay the balance and have something major be wrong with it, mechanical work for the car is very expensive, its foriegn. So while pondering my options I stopped at a car dealership and looked at a 2010 vehicle with only 3500 miles on it that is very nice and still has a 4year 100,000 mile warranty on it. And it is a domestic car so repairs and maintanence would be a lot cheaper. My payment, even though the past few years of medical expenses and decrease in income for my late husband caussed a beating to my credit score, wold be almost the same as what I was paying before. So now i have to decide what to do.
I am so mad at the credit union (DFCU finiancial) for treating me the way they did and not trying to work with me. I even offered to pay half the balance and let the remaining portion be directly deducted from my bank account each month. They said absolutely not! I thought they would just want me to make the past due payment and any repo fees involved. They said that was absolutely out of the question.
Being that they treated me that way I am tempted to say forget it and purchase the different vehicle. But the car they repoed has emotional attachment. I can look at it and see my husband driving it. He loved that car!
I am praying that I make the best business decision. I wish I could ask my husband what to do. He was so good at this kinda stuff. he also had the ability to \calm me down when things were going crazy. Oh my God I miss him soooo much. I didn"t need to deal with this on top of all the pain I'm having from grief.
The lady at the finance company told me "It's just business". I told her I hope she never has a tragedy like this and someone tells her that!
On the other hand my neighbor that tried to assist me called to offer her car to me for the day to run errands. I guess the good people still out weigh the bad. Thanks for listening to my rambling everyone.
-
Comment by MissingRKK on October 22, 2012 at 2:22pm -
Sending you many hugs and deep breaths. So sorry!
-
Comment by carolynne on October 22, 2012 at 1:13pm -
(((Lost))) Hope that you are getting your vehicle back as I type this. We all have those lapses, I can't even tell you how many bills I missed in those early months, at one point my electricity was shut off and I had plenty of money in the bank, just forgot to pay the bill. Try not to worry about what the neighbors think, just take care of yourself and don't be too hard on yourself. Sending love and strength.
-
Comment by MrsD on October 22, 2012 at 9:36am -
I can't believe those POS took your car. Good luck today.
-
Comment by Lisa ( Marielee) on October 22, 2012 at 12:08am
-
Lost- Just hold on and breathe deep ! This has happened to so many of us here and some days still does. Try not to worry . Tomorrow you can work on gettitng it straightened out. May I suggest you take care of moving the car to your name. I know it is so hard to do this . I just changed the name on the last vehicle in August and I am 2 years out. Is there someone who can help set up automatic payments for your bills right now ? My best friends husband dealt with all of the finances for about 3 months - I couldn't think straight. Please don't give up your honey would want you to be safe and happy somehow. Just breathe, drink water and try to get outside at least once a day . Ask for help - other's want to help they just don't know what to do. Remember we are sending you our prayers and hugs from here - Keep us posted . Lisa
-
Comment by Suz on October 21, 2012 at 11:10pm -
I am so sorry, lostwithouthim. There are so many things we have to remember when we are first widows. I forgot one of them, too. I am hoping it all gets worked out. You are not the only one!
Hugs!
-
Comment by Joyce on October 21, 2012 at 8:56pm -
I'm sorry you had to go through that, lostwithouthim, don't feel bad, we've all done things like that. Hopefully you can get it all straightened out on monday. Sending you hugs!
This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people
Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.
Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.
We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."
HOT TOPICS!
© 2013 Created by Supa Dupa Fresh.
You need to be a member of Widowed Village to add comments!
Join Widowed Village