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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Every time I think I'm the sorriest person around, I read or speak to others who are so much worse off than I am. Tragedies, absolutely unthinkable, intolerable tragedies abound in this world. But who do I care about the most???

ME, of course. My own sad life of trying to go on and being berated if I mention my beloved Phillip's name, not to mention that the holidays stuck here in the office/guest room at my parents in New England instead of being on the beach in Puerto Rico with both my and Phillip's kids last year at this time just defies thinking about. I still hate waking up every day. Those dubiously blessed mornings at first when I'd wake up and it would take me a few blissful moments to remember he was gone - those are history. I can't organize my life, apartment, finances, clothing, you name it - STILL!

Christmas was awful -,except that I have to share my children...

Let's see if I can figure out how to do this...

Try to find my videos I'm trying to upload...

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Comment by my roses on December 29, 2013 at 9:48pm

My roses

Hello Where Now  I agree that there is so much suffering everywhere and so much added suffering by others verbally assaulting those already in pain.  I have now been told by  long term friends (On Christmas Day) not to speak to them about Wes anymore.  They have their own memories of him.  Also that if I stopped talking about him I might hear something else that could change my life!!!   I have reached out to many new people over this last year, and also God has brought me many others.  Golden Rule No. 1 seems to be DONT SPEAK TO ANYONE UNLESS THEY HAVE LOST THE LOVE THEIR LIFE.  Some have lost somebody, but they did not go to the funeral, or see that person pass away (as I did).  So their grief is "at a distance" - I was stunned that this person could say that to me, as he had lost 2 sisters and I think parents. Also had really loved Wes and I.  But when it comes to the crunch  - the Love of your Lifers seem to understand best, followed by those who have lost a young child.  I am still organising stuff ... slowly.  But lots to do. Can't get the paperwork done (Wes was the mathematician) and trying to find an accountant to do it.   After the church cancelled my Celebration of Life for Wes I decided to do it at home.  This was really beautiful... those who came had all lost a beloved.  Had a display table of framed photos, Huge box of love letters and cards. REad  2 cards showing Wes loving nature. Sang relevant songs with another lady (we are in a choir together). Got a violinist to play for us, had a healthy morning tea. Showed DVDs of Wes (many only knew him when he was ill) and they could see the real Wes  - it changed some views of him but everyone was really happy and shared.  I decided to give myself a gift for Christmas.  I ordered 2 bags and a porcelain cup onto which was printed the most 'meaningful and beautiful photos of Wes and I)  One of the photos Wes looks a lot like your beloved Phillip.  I was surprised by the resemblance.  The gift arrived just in time on Christmas Eve. I have used one of the bags a lot over this Christmas period. I talk to his photo and look at the bag a lot. Actually, went to a Trad Jazz open air concert and danced... but as soon as one stops, or goes home it all begins again.  The hole in my heart remains  I don't think it will ever go.  I was told by someone just make a decision and then it will be ok.   Much love to you

Comment by missmyhunny on December 29, 2013 at 8:37pm

WhereNow, I can certainly relate to your post. Our lives are forever changed. And i think we do compare a lot to what we had and what we are left with, and we cry for what still should of been. It all feels so unfair when other people around us are unaffected.

I know many people in the world suffer too, but so do we, and it's ok. Seems to be part of the human condition, although i'm not really sure why this needs to be, but it is.

I think sometimes all we can do is just take it one day at the time, moment to moment. I can't even think about any kind of future and what i want to do right now, so i don't.

Don't be too hard on yourself. We are all healing from a huge shock in our lives.

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