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Just when I thought it was safe, when I stopped waiting for more bad news, when I realized that impending doom feeling was being created by me................ I came home from work Friday night and as always looked for my cat.  Pepper is 17 years old and has been by my side since John passed away.  I don't think she has been very happy that I have been going out to work.

I found her and noticed that she seemed very lethargic.  She isn't eating and will only take a little bit of water. 

I know what I have to do tomorrow and perhaps I should have done it on Saturday but I couldn't.  She isn't showimg any signs of pain or I would have rushed her to the vet right away.

I have spent the weekend in bed wih her beside me.  I wet her lips and talk to her.  I get to tell her everything that I didn't get to tell John and my sister.

I know she is a cat.  I know she has lived a LONG life.  I know that it is her time.

I just can't stop crying and I am just dreading taking her to the vet and saying goodbye to another loved one.



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Comment by Patricia on June 13, 2011 at 10:55pm
I thought I would let you know I got a new kitten on Saturday.  While I didn't actively look for a new one I did let my friends know that if they knew of anyone who had a kitten to let me knw.  This was one of those meant to be situations.  A purolator deliveryman was shopping at the grocery store and somehow a friend of mine and he started talking.  He told her that one of his customers had taken in a stray cat and she had had kittens.  My friend gave him my phone number and he gave it to his customer.  I now have little RAYNA.  I named her Rayna because it was pouring rain when I picked her up and she is a little ray of sunshine.  She is so cute and I know I will grow to love her if I don't already.  It is strange though, I feel like something is holding me back.  My heart truly has taken a beating.  Of course, it stirred up my emotions about Pepper dying and I cried but it's almost like I am afraid to get attached to her.  I guess I am certainly not ready to date yet but if and when I am, I am going to tell the Purolator man.  Who would have thought??
Comment by Tigger on March 2, 2011 at 11:33am
I am so sorry :(  My first cat lived to be 17 as well, and it was a very tough day when I had to say goodbye.  One of our kitties died under our bed a few months after my husband died (I think -- those first few months are still fuzzy).  It was so hard.  She's not "just a cat" -- she's your companion and someone you've been able to come home to when your husband couldn't be.  (((HUGS)))
Comment by sadwidow on February 14, 2011 at 10:02pm

So sad, I am very sorry.  We have had 16 years of having had an incredible dog.  She just got so bad because of the cancer I advised the nurse at the vet to ok her demise.  I lost my dear hubby, Jan.6,2009 and boy I was just not ready to part with our dog.  I still have our 2 chi's but its never the same.  I miss my hubby so much ande our Pooch too.  Hope you find a way of healing during this sucky time called Grief.  Take care.

Comment by Boo on February 2, 2011 at 2:59pm

I think you are so right ... we have to forgive peeps for not talking about it if they can't relate or if they say the most silly (and sometimes upsetting) things to us.  Most of my friends are great because I was so open (always have worn my heart on my sleeve) ... they stuttered a bit at the start but they are quick learners :-) 

So glad they gave you support <3

The only thing that comforted me about losing both Cliff and Hammer (my dog) is that I think of them being together now x  I'm sure (in my mind/beliefs) that Pepper is back with your husband ...



Comment by Patricia on February 2, 2011 at 2:42pm

Thanks so much for your message.  You are one sweet lady.  I had a horrible day yesterday and ended up not going into work.  I don't know why I thought I could.  After much consideration,  I posted on facebook that Pepper was gone and I was overwhelmed with the responses from my friends and family.  I even had phone calls.  It helped so much and I am so glad I decided to share my pain.

I think everyone can relate to the loss of a pet.  It is part of owning one.

If I post anyting about John, there are very few people that respond so I think I have learned alot from this.  When people can't relate they just don't know what to say and it makes them uncomfortable or they say the wrong thing but when they can relate they really come through.

It was so comforting and I really think I am going to get through this quickly. I surprised myself today and hope that tomorrow btings the same. 

Thanks so much again.

Comment by Boo on February 2, 2011 at 7:33am
Patricia, you've been on my mind so so much today.  I know how heartbroken I was after losing my dog ... but my husband was still here.  I can't imagine how hard today was ... there are no words ... except that we are here for you if you want to talk.  I wish I could come sit beside you today x

Comment by Soaring Spirits on January 31, 2011 at 6:27pm
Yeah but Patricia, know that we gotcha: first of all it's the cat that loves you, and second of all it's never just a cat. But also remember that you are loved. I mean REALLY loved. And you've done all the hard stuff yourself. You get credit for loving in this life and maybe, in the next too. XOOXOXOOXOXOOXOXOXOXO
Comment by Patricia on January 31, 2011 at 6:13pm

Thanks to both of you for your kind comments.  As you know, they really mean alot.  I couldn't get an appointment today so I have to take her in tomorrow morning and then go to work from there. I have only been working there since January but they are a great bunch of women.  I just hope I can keep it together. 

It is so upsetting to have to go through these things alone.  I think I still expect to be rescued by John and get so upset when that doesn't happen.  I am so tired from crying again and just not feeling very strong right now.  I will put my game face on tomorrow and know that people are thinking it's just a damn cat lol.

Comment by Soaring Spirits on January 31, 2011 at 1:09pm

This makes me sooooo sad. You two have been good to each other. What love!

Thanks for letting us know.


Comment by Boo on January 31, 2011 at 10:15am
I'm so sorry to read this.  I totally "get" grieving for a pet, every life is precious and pets give us so much comfort and warmth and companionship when we are widowed.  My dogs are my lifesaver.  My late husband and I grieved the loss of our old rottweiler so deeply.  Thinking of you x

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