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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I"m at 11 weeks, and I'm so tired.  I'm tired of the emptiness, the silence, the pain, the every. single. day. of. living.  I push through, but only because I have a 15 yr old.  But I"m tired.  Today, as I was driving down the freeway, I felt so overwhelmingly exhausted.  The meds I finally gave into taking aren't working so much anymore... and I can't tell the doctor I put on my "mask" for her and for everyone for that matter... I"m just ... done.  11 weeks along, and I'm done.  I have no idea how all of you make it farther along... when at this point...even breathing is hard work.  My muscles feel heavy, my chest is constricted, my mind is so fuzzy but won't shut down for nothing.  I thought I needed peace...so while driving..I turned off the radio and just tried to quiet my mind... and ended up hitting a bird.  Stupid bird.  All that did was make me cry..then when I got off the freeway to check the van for damage...cried again because of all the blood and feathers...then cried again at the car wash.. .it was so loud...when all I was doing was trying to quiet my spirit... so I'm done... I don't know how I"ll make it tomorrow but honestly, I don't care right now.  I know this is just a dip in the roller coaster of my new life.... but I didn't ask for a new life... I don't want a new life... I just want to go back to the way things were... I'd happily take those struggles any day! this is simply just too hard and hurts too much and I'm tired. 

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Comment by Doug02122014 on June 23, 2014 at 12:55am
Hey Shelly - I'm at 18-weeks and can remember about the 8 to 12 week mark being especially rough. If it weren't for the kids I'd hate to think where this comment would be going if there would be a comment at all. Now I can say with some outside help and a whole lot of Widville help I'm starting to have a good day or 2. My 1st good day didn't come till about week 15 or 16. No I'm not "healed" or "over it" as many around me outside of Widville would like. I still cannot sleep more than 4 - 6 hours a night, but that's a 2-hr. improvement over what it use to be (and this is on 3- prescription meds).

Just when your ready to throw in the towel do like I did and take a look around Widville at the members who are 2 & 3 years out. Take a good hard look at those folks and process their shared journey (s). They have really put in their dues to get where they are. If they can make it then by golly you and I are too! I don't know about the other members here if anyone else has experienced this or not, but during that 4-week low period I went through I caught myself more than once crying in my shallow breathing while driving. I think when a veteran Widville member says to remember to breathe they seriously do mean just that. Once I corrected my breathing the unconscious crying stopped.

Keep hanging out with us and post your rear end off. Its not a bother to anyone here. Just good therapy for you and all the membership. You never know you may touch another on here like some people have PM me to let me know that I've made a difference in their lives. Talk about unintended consequences for the better!

Take care.

Doug
Comment by Lisa ( Marielee) on June 19, 2014 at 8:05pm

Shelly - What you are experiencing is exactly "normal" at this stage in your journey. Grief does weigh us down - it is so emotionally ,physically and spiritually draining. I think your body had to release- that is why the crying . I remember for the first 6months I always cried in the car - going to and coming home from work .I was ok at work but as soon as I was in the car the tears just started to flow. I would encourage you to share your emotions with your doctor - they have seen it all and can adjust your meds as you need.  I would also recommend that you possibly go to a  Camp Widow .I am going to my 3 in a few weeks in San Diego .It was what saved my sanity early on .I met other's who got it !  Hang in there friend -  Hope to meet  you in the future !  Take deep breaths / take care of you right now and keep coming back here .

Comment by AEDforever (Ali) on June 18, 2014 at 1:06pm

Shelly, i want you to know that what you are experiencing is exactly how i felt.  Breathing was hard work. Grief is exhausting emotionally, mentally, and physically!  If you take a look at some of my (or others) blog posts in the early days of grief you will see this theme again and again.  And if you continue reading, you will start to see a shift, and then you will start to see how we made it through, and know that you will also.  I know thag does not fix the way you feel right now, but try to remember that it is temporary.  You will feel better. But it does take some time.  Hugs and sending good energy yourway.

Comment by wildflower on June 18, 2014 at 5:40am

 Oh sugr-plum (shelly) this roller coaster ride we didn't buy a ticket for is so exhausting.  Don't think about tomorrow.  Just get through today or even if that is too much effort.  Take it by the hour or the minute or as small as a time frame as you can handle.  Just take a deep breath and breathe in and out.  If you can do that you made it another breath.  I know how hard it was the first few months.  When asked what I did that day all I could say was I got up that day. What wouldn't any of us do to get our old life back.  It's eight months for me and I still have that fog and it is still very tiring but it is a bit easier.  Never thought I would get here but I have.  And I also like it quiet.  Never listen to the radio or music in my car and also cry when I'm driving but that also is easing.  A thought just occurred to me and I think I will try a meditation cd next time I am driving and see if that helps.  Yes it is hard to show our true feelings to those around us as they want as to be better.  Be kind to yourself.  Don't expect anything of yourself.  Just breathe.  Hope you have a peaceful day. 

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