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I am trying. So very hard. This is not the life I wanted, not the way it was supposed to be. I had a loving husband, two beautiful boys and one on the way when cancer came and stole my life, my children's daddy, my life partner. I've been told to keep things as normal as possible for the kids but nothing about this is normal. Normal is daddy making them breakfast in the morning, normal is daddy tucking them into bed with me. I am trying so hard to create a new normal but I hate it, hate how it feels. November 8 will be two years and I am still fighting to fit into this new normal. I talked to a divorced friend about single parenthood the other day and she tried to help when I asked her how she made it look so easy, but she said it was different. "I'm a single parent Cath, you're an only parent, those two words make a world of difference. I still have someone to blame if the kids don't turn out ok." Please someone tell me this gets easier???

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Comment by Cath on August 22, 2014 at 1:33pm
There is a group on here for long term illness and cancer loss :( there are many of us unfortunately and my heart breaks for all dealing with cancers fallout...I know how you all feel x
Comment by SharonH1885 on August 22, 2014 at 1:03pm

It has been nearly 6 months since lung cancer stole the love of my life. I never imagined life could be so difficult. I am fortunate to have a tight circle of friends and family that have helped me thus far, but no one is there to cuddle with at night (except the bichon frise's that share our bed). My weakest moments seem to be when I have good news to share or something I am hesitant to move on without his advise. One of my puppies had to have surgery for a broken leg recently. While there was no reason to expect I wouldn't have the surgery performed, I hated spending that much money without bouncing the cost off of Bill first. After almost 34 years I was handicapped by hesitation. I too wish for my old life back. I am not sure I even have a new normal. People would say I had a "new normal" when Bill was sick but it never felt anything remotely normal. It was a long drawn out nightmare that would ebb and flow between critically ill and almost normal (except for the Dr appts, extreme exhaustion, hospital equipment and medications). Now is certainly not what I want normal to look like either.

Comment by Cath on August 22, 2014 at 12:37pm
FF343 I am with you that cancer sucks large :( and so do the sympathy stares I get from friends..just sayin'!
Comment by FF343 on August 21, 2014 at 8:12pm

Cancer stole my wife, I hate cancer. My wife has only been gone for eleven day's, but I had a few months to "prepare" myself, if you want to call it that... I am having a tough time loosing my wife, she was my soulmate, but my boys lost their mom and that just kills me. Yesterday I finished registering my 5yo for kindergarten and today we had high school orientation for my 14yo, these were things that made her beam with pride. We live in a very tight knit community, which is fantastic, but so many folks know she's passed that we get what I call the sympathy stares. It freaks me out, this is in no way normal. It sucks!  

Comment by Doug02122014 on August 12, 2014 at 8:18am
Cath:
I'm with you on trying to find a new normal. I've said the same thing you did about how some divorced people can make parenting, work, house keeping, etc., etc. LOOK SO EASY ! Until now I never "got it" about divorced people still have the other person to blameb or otherwise still be in contact with. Thanks for sharing this. Doug
Comment by TammyRI on August 10, 2014 at 4:06pm

Im sorry your going through this.  It is so difficult.  I am trying to find my new normal and my boys are grown up 27 and 25.  I guess we just keep living day by day and maybe eventually we will feel like ourselves again only a new ourselves.  Hug to you my friend.

Comment by Cath on August 8, 2014 at 1:36pm
There is such a thing as new normal..what I thought was normal isn't there anymore...
Comment by Maria Louisa on August 8, 2014 at 1:22pm

Oh wow, Cath... that is really very hard - And I think it is very valuable that your divorced friend understood the difference. I had several divorced friends who assumed my journey was the same... Because these days you can throw a rock and hit a divorcee...People understand that journey...

People don't usually know many young widows... But at last your kids will know that Mommy and Daddy still loved each other. Talk to him about the kids and if you are religious talk to God or your angels about the kids...

We've been thrown into this journey where we have to think of the life beyond in very real terms - because our other half is on the other side...

Comment by missingyou on August 8, 2014 at 1:09pm

you sum up what I have been feeling…new normal? is there such a thing? hugs to you

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