That is the expectation that I keep bumping into from well meaning friends and relatives, and those are not the words that come out of their mouths, but it is essentially the message: "Sorry, the allowable time period for mourning has expired." I know that their well meaning words come from a place out of ignorance of not having any comprehension of the heartbreak and devastation of losing a spouse.
I have shared that this month has been hard because of significant personal anniversaries. Valentine's Day was one of them because on Feb. 14, 2011- that was the last time we celebrated as a family the day before he left for what would be his last business trip. (I only discovered the significance just before Valentine's Day 2014.) The other significante date is my son's 16th birthday, and then on Feb. 28th, what would have been our 23rd wedding anniversary.
I had a long talk with a trusted friend who is divorced, but she says, "You just have to let it go." Hmm. What in the hell does that mean exactly to someone who is widowed? I did "let him go" .....to the hospice, and I collapsed when they wheeled him on the stretcher and out of the house for the very last and final time. I let him go when I said good-bye before he died. She also said I should see a therapist and find a support group. (Argh!! I have done all that for an extended time!!)
She is not the only friend (or family) who has left me feeling UNheard, judged, and unsupported.
The message I receive is that of impatience, a lack of understanding, and that there is something "WRONG" with me because "it is time to be done with mourning. " How am I supposed to be over it in 26 months when we were married for over 20 years, but a couple for 28 years- since I was 18 years old?? I don't feel horrible all of the time, but this is a freaking difficult month, and I feel that no one cares. Only those who are widows or widowers understand.
Time for me to go.
All for now.