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My roses October 26th 2013

 I was feeling very low today and yesterday evening.  So much to do and missing Wes so much.  I was still prowling round the house at 2.45 am.  So much happening for my widowed friends here and for all of you over in USA and Canada.  Decided I had enough.  I had to speak out.  We are invisible, our needs are not being met. Last week there was a radio program about the wealthy giving money to various projects (like universities)  $65 million. So I rang this major radio station in Perth capital of W. Australia.  I  told them about the widows I know here and overseas.The list of sufferings they were going through (financial, step children and law suits, our sorrow the verbal assaults etc).  The host of the program  listened AND HE GOT IT!!   I told him you got it.. and without being a widower.  He said it was the way I explained it.

He was compassionate and I said all this money be donated but nothing done for widows.  He was shocked by the verbal assaults we undergo.  He said that I should ask my friends to ring up as well, and for me to also talk with his colleagues who are hosting  programs on different days. We must tell the truth and get it out on air.  When I put the phone down a lady called in to verify re her own mother, the suffering she had gone through.

Basically, I am appalled at what I have read happening to folks on this website, and a young woman in Cyprus etc.

So maybe we can get strong enough to do what he said.  Because we are not going to change anything it seems by talking to our 'friends and relatives'.  But maybe the fact that is put on radio makes them think again. Either it is the power of US ACTUALLY DARING TO DO IT.  Or the power that comes from a major radio station actually broadcasting it.  I feel really committed to go on radio again.  I hope that some more of us will feel we can speak aloud. I will probably go with another woman I know and speak at another church about the needs of widows.  It is written that we should help widows orphans and that the Jewish people have been taking this on board since ancient times.   So when I have finished doing this and a book I will definitely have had enough.  I long for my Wes and want to see him with all of my heart.  I do not have anything really to live for.  That does not mean I will take my life but I have had too much trauma in my life - and Wes restored my losses - but now he is a loss.



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Comment by my roses on October 30, 2013 at 6:11am

To Laurajay  -  from My roses  October 30th

Thak you for your comments.  I can understand that you find it difficult to understand why I have nothing to live for.  I  Have no family, no relatives, so on the physical level  I have no real reason to live.  I have lost the love of my life, who gave me a reason to live, after many losses. My fiancee was kidnapped from me in London when I was 19, the loss of my mother at 11 yrs of age, my first husband died of asthma and there were more serious losses.  Wes my beloved restored virtually all of this... but of course he is now gone. On a spiritual level, as a former counsellor, I am deeply concerned about the situation of widows and widowers.  I am speaking out on this, also have been  volunarily getting financial and other help for them here in Australia. I have been helping Carers with financial, bill payments, and food vouchers again on a voluntary basis. But that does not give me a reason to live... I do it because I saw so much suffering.  It appears that I am to write a book (5 different people 4 of which were strong christian believers) have told me this. I am gathering material together which I have done over the last few months while journeying with a Chaplain, this website, and other widows  in Australia.  So in fact I have been helping others in various ways for about 4.5 yrs.  So I do know that I am not suffering alone.

Before that I was working as a paid counsellor.  Re the "other mate"  - my list was somewhat tongue in cheek I am not particularly looking for another person at this time.  I have lost over 2 mths of time due to breaking a leg (but I did not fall over). So  became overwhelmed with all the legal,financial, loneliness, and mechanical (water heaters etc) problems occurring without anyone such as brother to assist.  So as I mentioned I have had enough,  I would rather be in heaven (and so do many other widows I know)  than feel like this for many more years.  I have got up each time I  felt low, even though I came out of hospital on crutches and had no one to look after me.   SO IN FACT I AM DOING GOD'S WILL  in various ways,  and often not getting to sleep until 4 am in the morning.  I also go to a healing service to pray for others in a group.

I also go with a cousin of my husband who is a Pastor. He holds a church service at  a hospital for patients in need of high levels of care.  We also sing hymns and talk to the patients.   But with all of these things, there is no difference to what I personally feel on a daily basis.  This weekend I am singing with the same church group at a service at the opening of a festival.   So I am as you see doing things for others, I  often weep over the things I see happening as well.  I have also helped people find Drs who will sign specific forms so that they can receive special grants for health issues etc.  Our own Dr asked me to help someone import a special medicine which required a lot of government paperwork as I had done this for my husband - and I did help them.  In effect I am not sitting on my bum all day at home.  However,  as I do this... I  do not feel I have anything to live for in a general sense.  I was doing this before my husband died - I am still doing it and more.  One has a reason to live when you have the love of your life with you, or presumably if you have children.  I have neither of these.    

Comment by missmyhunny on October 28, 2013 at 7:49am

MyRoses, So sad for your loss and what you are going through. I think calling the radio station and bringing forth those issues a great idea.Good for you. It certainly feels from many of our experiences in widowhood that widows are shunned by society rather than helped. It must really scare people or something to be near us? I really don't know what's up with that, but speaking out about it publicly can surely bring awareness to the situation for others whom haven't been through it yet. Maybe it will also give them some insight of what lies in store for us all at some stage of our married lives. No one is immune from it.

I also empathise with what you say about going through too much trauma and then having that special someone to help us on our healing journey and have that person taken away from us too. They say God doesn't give us more than we can deal with, but i don't believe that. Sometimes when we experience too much loss or trauma it is just too much, so i certainly know how that feels. I'm sick of having to be strong all the time, its debilitating and not conducive to our wellbeing, IMO.

And its also easy for people to tell us to snap out of it when we can't. It will be In our own good time. Grief is something we have to heal from and it sometimes takes a long time to try and regain any type of "normal" again, because we do stumble and fall along the way. We have to take very good care of ourselves and nurture ourselves and let ourselves be cared for in any way we can. We need lots of love and support too from others as we try and slowly take baby steps in our recovery.

I wish you well on your journey. Take care.

Comment by laurajay on October 27, 2013 at 11:46am

my roses.  I will not comment on the portions of your blog that are personal and yours alone regarding widowhood ...but I must take issue when as a believer you state you do not have anything really to live for.  As a child of God the purpose first and foremost is to live to love God and serve others.  To let His love live in you and pass through you to comfort and offer compassion to others.  You do not suffer alone.  You are not called to perfection  you are called to obedience in this regard.  You will not be judged on how often or how hard you fell but whether or not you got up and kept trying...until  you too are called home.  Work on doing God's will and let that be your first focus  before you worry about another  mate...God's grace will bring that to be  according to his mercy and certainly in his time.   A non believer might have a different take on this but from your writing , I base my comments .  Love and Healing.  Laurajay.

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