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This weekend I became a first time Grandmother.  This sweet little girl wrapped me around her finger instantly.  I cried and laughed and hugged and kissed...but as I was leaving my driveway to go to the town when my daughter lives I had a bit of a melt down.  As I was sitting there waiting for the gate to close it hit me that I would be driving back in with a changed heart.  And in that moment I needed Howard so incredibly much...and he was not here..I could not get out of the car and go inside his office and have him hold me...never again will that happen.  And never so much has his loss hit me like that since the shock wore off of him being gone.  I cried the whole hour and a half drive.  I talked to him though...I heard his words of wisdom for me.  It wasn't quite what I needed ~ but I took every bit of comfort from the echo of his words that I possibly could.   There have been lots of firsts without him in the past 2 years 5 months 14 days and some odd hours.  I miss him.. I love him still.  I still want to share these precious moments of life with him.   I try to keep an open mind and stay grounded in reality..whatever that means.  Some days are better than others of course.  I know one day I will stop counting breaths and days without him.  But I don't think I will ever stop talking to him.  

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Comment by Susan on August 4, 2018 at 4:28pm

Hello RKay,

    I too became a first time Grandmother on October 7, 2017 ....  I know how you feel.



Comment by shellybean on July 26, 2018 at 10:41am

Congratulations on your granddaughter. ((((hugs)))) to you experiencing this first without Howard. 

Comment by Sad One on July 24, 2018 at 8:34pm

What a precious blessing! Congratulations!

Comment by Callie2 on July 24, 2018 at 3:11pm

Congrats! Nothing like the sweetness of a newborn and holding them close. I do understand the meltdown. You wanted him to share that joy. When the baby gets old enough, talk to her about her grandfather. That’s what we have done with my youngest granddaughter, let her get to know him through you. Enjoy her! 

Comment by Morgana (Janet) on July 24, 2018 at 1:22pm

Congratulations on being a new grandmother. 

Comment by Rainy (Misty) on July 23, 2018 at 9:57pm

Congratulations on being a new grandmother.  I have "bonus grands" (Jerry's grandchildren) they bring me so much joy esp, in this season.  I'm so sorry it hit you so hard, but it's a momentous occasion and of course, you want to share it!  ((Hugs)) This means you'll have to spoil that baby for 2 and nothing is wrong with that!  All of those firsts make us stronger and tell him every bit of it.  

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