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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I tend to write these on the weekends, as that's when I'm at work. Yeah, I know. It's weird. But 12 hours in front of a PC, and frequently nothing has blown up, so it gives me time to write as I keep an eye on the boards.

This was... a hard week.

The estate liquidation sale in not so many words said that there was nothing that was worth their time. They referred me to an auction house, who said that there wasn't anything of a high enough value to be worth the auction time. So now I'm back to square one. Trying to somehow sell a store room worth of stuff that "isn't valuable enough" to be worth a buyout, not worthy of an auction, and I don't have the heart to try and deal with in a yard sale. Sigh.

I found out that there's a chance my landlady is moving states, so I may or may not be able to stay in the house. Because I needed that stress to worry about. So now I'm kinda on pause for painting and whatnot, as I'm not putting the effort in if I'm not going to be staying there.

I already posted about the last book in a trilogy written by a friend of mine, and it saddens me that Howard will never have gotten to read it.

Rather intoxicated, I bought tickets to a screening of the Neverending Story. I went, but I didn't want to, and partway through, all I wanted to do was to go home. It wasn't right to be there by myself, and I remembered taking Howard to see it... He'd never seen it. I think I'm going to steer clear of the movies for a bit.

Restaurant Week is coming up. Part of me wants to go, part of me would really, really rather stay home. Our favorite restaurant closed, though, so at least I don't have to face that... He loved going there. If we went only one place, it would be there. So I don't have to make that decision to go or not to, though the rest of it... I don't know.

Mostly, I get upset easily if I leave the house. I get anxious. So I generally just stay home. It's safe there.

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Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on September 11, 2016 at 3:35pm

Anxiety is common in the first year when grief is raw. The good thing is you've recognized staying home is best for you. Your first lesson in caring for yourself during grief & always. There's everything right about convalescing for as long as you need. I found limiting my time in public helped in getting chores done quickly & efficiently as well as prevented panic attacks &/or meltdowns.

Be kind & gentle w/yourself ...

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