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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I went back to work pretty quickly after Michael died...took off about 2.5 weeks. I needed the normalcy somewhere and I needed to show my kids that life will indeed continue on. This week, I went in on Monday and realized that I needed time off to just be. I visited Michael's burial site, a beautiful,natural wooded area across from the Monastery. It was so peaceful and beautiful yet so very sad. I have run errands, sat and stared into space, shopped, cried and read. I am so tired of grief and of being in a state of fog! I want life,lived fully. I just feel so drained and hollow. Nothing takes away the emptiness and hollowness no matter what I do. I hope this state of being does not last...My children deserve true joy and I can only fake it right now. August seems like it was just yesterday yet also feels like an eternity has passed since I touched and talked with my husband. God bless everyone who is going through this thing called grief. It is a journey like no other.

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Comment by lonelyinaz on December 31, 2015 at 8:08pm

Hello Widowed 46, I don't have anything besides being widowed to relate to you since I'm at least 10 yrs older than you and no children.  But, I hope you know that we all get it, and please come here often, there are so many of us that will support you.  This I do know Honey, is that if you came here, then know that you are on the road to healing, and like the others have already posted to you, it takes so very much time, but it will get better, hang in there, we are here for you.  There is a group for widowed with children here, I have read through some of it, so many amazing brave young widows like you.  God Bless.

Comment by laurajay on December 20, 2015 at 4:04pm

It will take more time widowed46 for the hollowness and emptiness to heal.  It was not a direct statement regarding the pipedreams at's just that you mentioned you needed normalcy and to show your kids life goes on and it does but you cannot press yourself to bringing your children  "true joy" when you are all grieving the loss of your loved one.  He lives in your hearts in memories of course  but it still takes time to deal with the sadness and your pain  is very fresh.  Your wisdom concerning his loss will grow as time passes.   Grief does not ever stomp out life unless we allow it to...but it also demands and takes our time and attention even if we decide  not to let it.  I hope you too find peace to lighten your  load as a single parent and that God grants you strength to endure.   God Bless.   lj

Comment by [email protected] on December 18, 2015 at 2:58am


I do not have any pipedreams where everything is peaches and cream and it is our memories of the love and  life that keep Michael alive within us. I am so sorry that you are struggling through your senior years. I can only speak from my heart when I say, God Bless you and bring you some peace and lighten your load. I refuse to let grief stomp out the life my family husband is still the love of our lives and we live with him in our hearts always.

God Bless


Comment by laurajay on December 17, 2015 at 9:22pm

Widowed @46.  you and your children were robbed.   Last August?  So only a few months?   Way too soon to begin wondering how long and how hard your grief will are still raising children and your plate is loaded with responsibility!  My prayers go out to you.  It has been 3yr almost 8 mo. since my husband  of 44yr  died unexpectedly.  Because I am a senior it has not gotten easier or softer for me.  Growing old has extreme challenges even when you are not a widow--and I am devastated by my loss.  Grief is exhausting.  Extremely so.  That is normal.  I hope you are eating well ad getting enough sleep.  Any chance you can get some added time off to rest and do things with your kids?   Can you plan a spring vacation?  I did well the first year by keeping up routine-our small cottage business- family dinners- etc but after a year or so I got further fatigued  and slowly robbed myself of proper sleep and longer.  I say "no" to things now.   I've made changes just to survive...You are fooling yourself thinking you can keep things normal and the same with your children.   Everything has changed  and you have to take time for new plan and it is very hard and mostly tiring.  We understand.  Wish I could give you great encouragement  by saying it will get my experience what you get is wisdom and acceptance after a while and you move forward one day at a time if you focus on  living now- not just in memories  and not in a pipe dream where everything is peaches and cream.  Best wishes as you journey forth...You are not alone. Thank you for sharing.

Comment by [email protected] on December 17, 2015 at 3:04pm

Thanks for reading Jim. My husband died on August 16th of this year, so our timing is similar. He had a massive brain bleed on the 15th, was rushed to surgery but never woke up. It was AWFUL! We were married 24 years and our children are 18, 14 and 11. We all went to the burial site together two weeks ago. We have been talking and does help us all. I have moments of fog and terrible concentration and then moments of clarity. My biggest challenge is the hollow, emptiness I feel. 

Comment by Jim on December 17, 2015 at 7:08am

If you've not done it yet, do take your children to the gravesite and share your thoughts and feelings with the kids.  They're not fragile.  Its important for them to know your feelings.  No sense in pretense with the kids.  They know something is awry...better to talk about it and let them know.  I assume the kids are old enough to understand???  Hows many months has it been since Mihael's death?  Yes.  Life goes on, and death is a part of life.  The kids need to understand that.  

I am going through this grief process.  My dear spouse died August 27th this year.  This -- after 58 years of being happily married.  She died of a massive stroke; it was completely unexpected.  Our children are grown.  I cry all the time especially when thoughts of my wife pop up.  Am just getting around to making decisions about her clothes, our photos, selling the house, etcetera.  We talked about Retirement Communities last Spring but never got around to visiting and researching out these communities.  Am sorry for your pain.  But, apparently, you're doing OK, viz., you are able to concentrate and read.  I was unable to do that for the first three months.  Just thought I'd walk through your grief "like no other."

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