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Talking about our spouse does help!

26 days since my John passed away. In the last week or so, I wake up and cry in bed everyday begging John to come back to me. I know it's impossible but I still wish everyday... Tonight I talk to my sister in law via Facebook messenger. We talked about John much and what he did. I told her stories about him that Melissa (Johns older sister) didn't know. She told me things about John too. We talked about our memories with John, how cheeky and sweet and annoy (sometimes) he was. This made us cry and smile. I sent Mel a picture of John while he's sleeping, Mel said she loved it and it made her cry. She said her daughter didn't want see her cry and she feel weak to cry. I told Mel that it's ok to cry, you can't be strong all the time. We cry because we love John, no other reason, and sure he knows that.
I talked to Mel and it made me feel heaps better. I loved it to have someone who knows John well and understand how it feels to loose him. Mel is such amazing sister in law (I call her sis or Mel btw). Tonight was 1st time my mom see me smile after John passed. She told me she loved it, and very happy to see my smile. Poor my mom, been worry so much about me. She loves John much too.
So my point is talking with others about ur husband or wife is amazing,. It helps you express ur love as well as know more memories others people had with him. Avoiding talking about our loved ones doesn't help at all. Some people think that they might remind us of our spouse, but the truth is, no passing minutes we don't think about them. So talk about our love, smile and laugh and cry with the memories, hold on to it and know that they will be always there, forever in our heart <3

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Comment by Hanh on March 29, 2014 at 11:50pm
We can't live without talking about them, very true! But I know people get tired of hearing me talk about my John. One of my friend even talked about how well her husband treats her. Well, I just want to yell at her to Shut the F*** up! I have no husband to talk about now. And in ur interest, he treated me amazingly that you can't even imagine. Was so hurting and she called me on the phone and mostly talked about her husband. I hung up the phone, she called 3 more times and then sent me a message asked why I didn't pick up. God, don't ya know why? Really?
Comment by wildflower on March 26, 2014 at 7:38pm

Yes Hanh it does help e to talk about my husband.  the other day someone asked me if my husband had selective hearing as their husband had his head phones on and was not paying attention.  It felt good to talk about him and tell the story of when I sent him the audiologist because I thought he had a hearing problem and was told he had selective hearing.  Most people avoid talking about our loved ones but I bring him up in conversation whenever it is approrpiate. He is so much a part of my past being married 40 years and I don't feel I can change the past or nor do I want to avoid talking about him as some  people seem to feel it would hurt.

Comment by my roses on March 26, 2014 at 11:04am

My roses

I totally agree - its not only that people dont want to mention our husbands because we may get upset...they can be harsh enough to say (and I have had this said) that I  am not to talk about Wes with them again.. because they  have their own memories of him!!   This was said to me on Christmas Day .  We cannot live without talking about them.. friends and relatives will just have to accept it.  We CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT TALKING ABOUT THEM.  I t helps us, and brings us comfort.. we cannot be put off by others (who can't accept our talking)  we are more important at this time... as we are suffering so severely. 

Have responded to your friend request.  Bless you

Comment by only1sue on March 26, 2014 at 1:06am

Oh Hahn, it is so early in your grief yet.  I am glad you had a nice dream and that you could share happier memories with Mel.  My husband's family took a long time to talk about him, I am only in touch with two out of four.  They seemed to want to forget him so I couldn't share the good times either.  So sad.

Comment by Hanh on March 25, 2014 at 6:51pm
Thanks Cathy. I love it so much too. Last nite I had a dream I was on the bike with John, riding in the rain. I held him so tight and placed my head on his back, closed my eyes, felt so peaceful enjoy it again with my John, in dream. We even stopped to get our favorite drink... But wake up n reality hits again, DAY 27... I feel like it has been years since John gone... Miss my John so much! Blessings to you too Cathy, xo!
Comment by JPSwifeCathy on March 25, 2014 at 6:40pm

YES it does! i LOVE it when people share memories of MY John!  blessings to you Hanh


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