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I am sure we have all had that feeling, you gather your things to leave for the day and you get this feeling you forgot something.   Sometimes you get to your destination only to find you really did forget something.  You forgot you lunch at home, your cell phone on your couch, or ID on your night stand.  And sometimes you never figure out what it was you thought you forgot.  I got up this morning, got dressed and had breakfast.  I made lunch and packed it into my bag.  Threw on my shoes and started to head for the door and I stopped dead.  I was forgetting something.  I looked around.  I turned around and walked through the house.  I couldn't figure out what it was that I was thinking I forgot.  I checked in my backpack for my lunch, it was there....Then it dawned on me, I was fiddling with my left hand for my ring.  I mentioned a few weeks ago taking off my ring for the first time and how it was this phantom feeling.  But I didn't expect to be 3 weeks down the road and waste time running around my house looking for something I had forgotten.  The fact is that I was even wearing my ring at the time, just that it is around my neck not on my finger anymore.  

It is funny in a way, this isn't the only time I have done this in the last 10 months (10 months today...ick).  I went to go to work a couple months ago and stood at the door thinking I forgot something, and then it dawned on me that I hadn't said goodbye to my wife for the day.  I said it out loud and walked out the door.  For the last 3 months before she passed away this was my habit, to call upstairs on my way out and remind her to have breakfast that I had left for her.  

I find now, after 10 months, I am starting to see a pattern of triggers.  The 11th rolls around, and even though I don't think about it directly, my brain has fired on this item and triggers.  I talk to our financial planner about something, this time it happened to be yesterday, and that triggers me going a little loopy.  I look at some expensive thing I would like to buy, and that stops me dead in my tracks as I start to have an internal argument with my wife who seemingly always wins these mental battles.  So I try to avoid some of them, but you can't fight against them all.  I just know now that when I feel like I forgot something, 5 times out of 10, it probably isn't true. I am probably thinking of something my wife handled or I would say or do with her or for her that I no longer 'need' to do, but my body and that part of my brain that still holds that habit wants me to do.  Removing a 27 year habit from your brain is something that is hard to do, especially when you don't want to do it. 

In the mode of sharing, here is a photo of what I had done to my wedding ring and my wife's wedding ring.  I am also sporting Soaring Spirits Gear!! 

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Comment by chef (John) on September 17, 2018 at 7:44am


Comment by Tekwriter on September 13, 2018 at 7:50am

I love that. I had been wearing mine and his rings on a chain also. I hope you won't mind if I steal your idea.

Comment by lyn on September 12, 2018 at 2:09pm

Your rings turned out beautifully.

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on September 11, 2018 at 5:12pm

I use to forget all the time Bob-O was dead as well as thinking to myself "where is that man? What is keeping him?" I also kept forgetting I was still grieving as the many years of the natural grief process dragged on ...

At 11 years out, I still do forget when something comes up I want to rush home to tell him about ...   :-)

Comment by Miss Em (Emma) on September 11, 2018 at 2:59pm

I love what you did with the rings! 

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