A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
That Old Refrain
The Road
I can still remember
Every song you played
Long ago when we were younger
And we rocked the night away
How could I see a future then
Or you would not grow old
With such a fire in our belly
Such a hunger in our souls
I guess I probably loved you
When those words rolled off your tongue
Seemed that we were traveling
Under some old lucky sun
I know I couldn't save you
And no one was to blame
But the road we shared together once
Will never be the same
Hey, gone a long way
Won't be coming 'round again
Hey, with a song I pray
And on wings of a song I'll fly away
I wandered in the wilderness
For a while, I was so lost
To everything there is a season
And every blessing has its cost
So I took what you left me
Put it to some use
When looking for an answer
With those three chords and the truth
I come down from the mountain
I come walking in your shoes
I was taken for a gambler
When I had no more to lose
For you put me on that pathway
How could I refuse
And I've spend my whole life out here
Working on the blues
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
So I've carried on
You can't be haunted by the past
People come, people go
And nothing ever lasts
But I still think about you
Wonder where you are
Can you see me from some place
Up there among the stars?
But down here under heaven
There never was a chart
To guide our way across
This crooked highway of the heart
And if it's only all about
The journey in the end
On that road I'm glad
I came to know you, my old friend
Hey, gone a long way
Won't be coming 'round again
Hey, with a song I pray
And on wings of a song I'll fly away
I'll fly away
I'll fly away
I'll fly away
Oh, oh
-- Emmylou Harris
She wrote the song about her relationship with Gram Parsons and his death in 1973 (I didn't realize it was so long ago). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IyUGPzBFzAM
Last night I was driving home after having dinner with my mother and it was a beautiful evening. I had the windows open as I sang along at top volume to the Violent Femmes' Blister in the Sun playing on the radio, being transported back to high school. It was a fun and relaxing moment, but then there was the thought "Corey is dead. I will never enjoy a moment like this with him again."
I find this happening almost constantly. No matter what I'm doing/seeing/experiencing there is always this underlying current or refrain in my head: Corey is gone. Corey is dead. We will never experience this moment together. It doesn't mean that I'm not enjoying what's going on around me, it's just there's always the knowledge that I am not with him and that it will never be the same. It colours everything.
This past weekend I was in Idaho camping and hiking in the Sawtooth mountains with a college roommate and her husband and another college roommate. The scenery was spectacular, the hiking almost did me in and the company was wonderful, but at the same time there was always the underlying sadness for me. My friend and her husband have been married for 13 years and have 4 beautiful children, something Corey and I never could have. Corey and I hiked a lot when we first met and he loved the mountains and was proud of his mountaineering skills. He would have loved this trip. I know people would say that he was with me in spirit, but as we all know all too well, it's not the same.
I did find a black and bright orange bird feather in our camp and I have no idea what bird it could've come from. Orange was Corey's favourite colour, so perhaps he was there with me.
--To everything there is a season
And every blessing has its cost --
Views: 35
Comment
-
Comment by telechick on August 19, 2012 at 8:32pm
-
Thanks for the kind words and the support. Hugs to you.
-
Comment by Cristina on August 17, 2012 at 1:53pm -
Beautiful. Thank you so much for your post, and sharing your thoughts. My heart goes out to you, and, I know just what you mean. So sorry for your loss. Yes, it's righteous beyond words they are still with us, but no where near as righteous as it was when they were here in person.
This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people
Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.
Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.
We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."
HOT TOPICS!
© 2013 Created by Supa Dupa Fresh.
You need to be a member of Widowed Village to add comments!
Join Widowed Village