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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

This was posted in a comment on a website I was on today.  I was checking the site out because I had just finished reading the book "QBQ!". . . The Question Behind the Question by John G. MIller about practicing personal accountability.  I wanted to share it with my widow village family.  Thank you all for being here and for this site.

“THE AFTER LOSS CREDO”

I need to talk about my loss.
I may often need to tell you what happened -
or to ask you why it happened.
Each time I discuss my loss, I am helping myself
face the reality of the death of my loved one.

I need to know that you care about me.
I need to feel your touch, your hugs.
I need you just to be “with” me.
(And I need to be with you.)
I need to know you believe in me and in my
ability to get through my grief in my own way.
(And in my own time.)

Please don’t judge me now -
or think that I’m behaving strangely.
Remember I’m grieving.
I may even be in shock.
I may feel afraid. I may feel deep rage.
I may even feel guilty. But above all, I hurt.
I’m experiencing a pain unlike any I’ve ever felt before.

Don’t worry if you think I’m getting better
and then suddenly I seem to slip backward.
Grief makes me behave this way at times.
And please don’t tell me you “know how I feel,”
or that it’s time for me to get on with my life.
(I am probably already saying this to myself.)
What I need now is time to grieve and to recover.

Most of all, thank you for being my friend.
Thank you for your patience.
Thank you for caring.
Thank you for helping, for understanding.
Thank you for praying for me.
And remember, in the days or years ahead,
after your loss – when you need me
as I have needed you – I will understand.
And then I will come and be with you.

Author: Barbara Hills LesStrang

Views: 236

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Comment by AEDforever (Ali) on April 8, 2013 at 3:17pm

This is really great Janet.

Comment by Joyce on April 5, 2013 at 6:38pm

I really like this,  it's perfect.  Thanks for sharing and thank you, Janet for being here.

Comment by Lori on April 5, 2013 at 6:25pm

love this janet

Comment by judy on April 5, 2013 at 8:16am

I actually read this poem at Justin's Memorial.  It was given to me by a dear old friend.  I also actually read it for my uncle and Justin was so proud of me that day.

Comment by bj628(Bonnie) on April 5, 2013 at 7:58am

Thanks for sharing this.  I will copy and send it to the Grief counselor at Hospice ♥

Comment by Marti on April 4, 2013 at 8:46pm

Pretty much sums it up!

Comment by missmyhunny on April 4, 2013 at 4:58pm

Hi Janet, Thankyou for posting this. I thought as i was reading this Credo, that the words are so true as to how most of us feel when we are going through such a huge shock in the death of our loved ones.

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