A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
The Bad Girl Widow at the Cry Fest
In one of my very first blog entries I wrote: “Oh crap, widowhood is going to be fattening!” And I was right. At the doctor’s office today he pronounced me six pounds tubbier than I was six months ago at my last visit. He didn’t, of course, use the word ‘tubby’---he’s a nice guy---but my weight gain prompted a long “bad girl” discussion that ended with me having to sign a pledge to add 30 minutes of exercise to my day, journal my food intake and e-mail him an accountability report once a month. Tools for losing weight. Whoop de doo!
.
The report thing was my own fault. He wanted me to come back to the office in three months for a follow up but I pulled the Old People Card and said I wouldn’t do that in the winter months for anything less than a heart attack. “Spring will have to do,” I said, thinking I had out-smarted a guy who soaking wet couldn’t weigh more than a bale of hay. I didn’t count on him standing his ground and pulling the accountability pledge out of his bag of tricks to use on stubborn patients who won't do follow up appointments if it's snowing. He even had his nurse register me for an interactive website where I can view my medical test results, send Mr. Doctor my monthly reports, and ask his nurse questions like, “If I just broke my big toe will I need a cast?” When I send in my first tubby report I’m going to sign it, “from fatty, fatty two by four.” Damn it, it’s going to be a long winter without my comfort foods to keep me warm!
.
During the “bad girl” discussion I confessed that I’m an emotional eater and the doctor asked, “Is there something special going on in your life that is causing you stress?” If looks could kill, he’d be dead. I had a hard time not calling him an idiot for not remembering that---DUH---my husband died ten months ago! But deep down inside I wondered if 10 years from now I won’t still be using the same excuse if I don’t get my bad girl eating binges under control. So I put my strong widow lady face in place and as sweet as marshmallows in cocoa I explained what I’ve been doing since Don died.
.
Near the end of the visit he left the room to get me a flu shot injection and he came back with a nurse in tow I hadn’t seen since before Don passed away. She’d just heard the news and was upset that she didn’t know before. He was her favorite patient, she said and “I just loved Don to death.” Oh okay. It’s a common expression and at first it went right over my head but when it hit me I had to concentrate on stopping the full blown pucker up and cry that was forming in my head. Meanwhile, the nurse realized what she said about loving Don to death and like a slow motion video you could see a pucker up and cry washing over her face. The next thing you know we were both crying and Mr. Skinny Ass Doctor was standing in between us with one arm awkwardly around each of us. And for this surreal cry fest I wondered how much extra Medicare would get billed.
.
On the way home I had the Prime Country station playing on the radio and Dan Seals was singing One Friend:
.
Sometimes the world was on our side;
Sometimes it wasn't fair.
Sometimes it gave a helping hand;
Sometimes we didn't care.
.
'Cause when we were together,
It made the dream come true.
If I had only one friend left,
I'd want it to be you.
Someone who understands me,
And knows me inside out…..
.
Well, isn’t that just like a country singer, I thought, playing my emotions like a violin and making me wish I could write like that. Then I pulled over to the side of the road and cried the color right out of my irises. Don was that one friend in my life who knew me inside out and now his spirit is off doing what ever spirits do in the Great Unknown and I’m stuck writing fatty two by four letters in my head. I’d call him an ass-breath for dying and leaving me alone but I’m trying to quit swearing. And Dan Seals? Well let’s just say I’m still mad at him for making me late for dinner. ©
.
My other blog is here.
Comment
-
Comment by carolynne on October 18, 2012 at 2:17pm -
What a great blog, Blue. I love your sarcastic sense of humor.
My weight has been bouncing all over like a Mexican jumping bean. I lost about 20 pounds I really couldn't afford to lose in the first couple of months, then gained so much I was over the weight I started at, now I bounce around within a ten pound range in any given month. I know it's not healthy but I can't seem to help it. Of course now that winter is coming and it's getting colder, just when I want to pack on the pounds like a frathouse freshman, I'm on a downward trend again. Sigh.
-
Comment by Blue Snow on October 17, 2012 at 7:44pm -
Kaye, thank you for your comments. Bonnie and Janet: I wish we could trade our issues with food for a few months. Sadly, that's not going to work so I guess we all have to work on taking better care of ourselves. Janet: I'm still hit and miss with listening to country music. At first I couldn't have it on at all without it triggering too many memories. Then I slowly brought it back in to my life but clearing I did it too soon. Hugs to all.
-
Comment by janet on October 17, 2012 at 6:56pm -
(((Blue))) I so love what you have written. I am just the opposite because when I am under stress, I don't eat. For me trying to gain weight has always been a problem because I really don't have any comfort foods unless you want to call eating 6 to 12 Peanut M&M's every so often comfort food. As for the exercise, I will be signing up at a recreation center not to far from me next month to start using their exercise equipment at least twice a week. I figure $18.00 a month beats buying something I have no space for in my house.
I think Dan Seals can handle you being mad at him for your being late for dinner. The one thing I no longer listen to unless I am in the car is country music, which I love.
Thank you for this as I needed a bit of cheering up. Your doctor sounds a like like my and I am sure I will hear it from mine when I see him in January. Wishing you Peace and Hope...
-
Comment by bj628(Bonnie) on October 17, 2012 at 12:30pm -
(((((((((((((((((Blue))))))))))))) I have the opposite problem... when in stress I do Not eat, and I am getting Lectures NOT to lose another lb. I have had weight (tubby) problems in the past... I swear he word diet and I gained weight. I found portion control.. using smaller plates. no second helpings. and once a week to have a comfort food. Depriving onself from all comforts is not realeastic. Have smaller meals, or snack more often, but in portion control.
We have lost "our comfort" and soul mates .. so not fair to give up everything!!! Just use smaller dishes. and if you put a snack in a small dish.. you can eat it all at once.. or know you can't have more of it an nibble and savory it. Don't know if this will work for you, but I did lose 15 lbs.. ( I had gained after stroke and weighed as much as when I was pregnant.
" diet" to me is a dirty word. and adding 15 or 20 minutes of exercises and stretches will help, just remember to start slowly.. we now have parts we didn't know we had.. that get sore and ache after exercise.. remember to warm up with some stretches also.
I know people would love to hear "don't lose any more weight" but it is not any more fun.. than trying to lose it when food is only fuel and I have to eat..... skinny minny
-
Comment by Kaye (Nextstep11) on October 17, 2012 at 11:45am
-
In my experience, a 6 lb gain is nothing!!!.....(often anxiety meds will add that much as a side effect )
I am so sorry you had to experience this----
-----I am glad you told him and I hope you weren't too sweet!!!!---Isn't it sad and ironic !! Food is the least of it considering how many other methods we could be using to cope with our grief.
So sorry you had to experience this, so glad at least the nurse still had feelings.
This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people
Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.
Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.
We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."
HOT TOPICS!
© 2013 Created by Supa Dupa Fresh.
You need to be a member of Widowed Village to add comments!
Join Widowed Village